Finding a "home"

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My my mum is 80 and has finally agreed that she can no longer manage at home. She has poor mobility due to parkinsons and is getting a bit overwhelmed with simple problems. I feel guilty that I've let it get so bad but I do feel that she is still an adult capable of making adult decisions and she has been quite firm about staying at home until now....

Anyhow to my point. How and where do we start with finding somewhere? Do we ring adult social services? The GP? Do do it ourselves online... any hints tips advice would be very welcome. I want (like everyone does) a nice place.

I think some of her hesitation has come from seeing her old aunties in homes where they just sat In a lounge and stared at the other residents .... some from the costs (she can afford it but she doesn't want to!)

Help! 😪

I’ve just been through this so have some experience. If your mum will be paying for her care herself, then you just google local homes, check the CQC page about them and go and see and pick the ones you like before you show her them.
If she needs social services to pay, then ring the local council social workers and ask them to assess your mum. They will then pick out a place.
If she’s very ill and only has 6 weeks or less, ask the GP to refer urgently for CHC assessment.
I hope this helps and good luck with it all.

Have a look at your county council website. Adult social care.
Local recommendations are best- church/ gp/ friends etc.
Also local carers group etc.
But visit and look most at the staff not decor. Find out about turnover etc.
Good luck.

Recommendations are the very best way.
I don't know if you're actually allowed to look round now? It's certainly an eye opener if you can, especially unplanned.
When we looked for mum a friend of family who is a community nurse gave a few suggestions based on her visits.
In fact her top choice was ours.
She also gave us ideas for questions.
What is the staff turnover. At one place the owner was floored by this, she said no-one had left that month.
At the place we chose they hadn't had anyone leave in the last year and some staff had been there many years.

Yes, recommendations are invaluable. I chose my parents’ nursing home based on what someone who’d worked there said. I didn’t get to go in but was shown round the outside and got to peer through the windows.

My first port of call was GP's adult care co-ordinator.

Agree re CQC website, look all the possible ones up and see what ratings they were given. I haven't been able to look round in person because of Covid regs.

The one my DM has just gone to I had to choose - partly on the basis of a v good CQC rating and lots of asking around e.g. carers from her dom care company, local people who go into the care homes (physios, podiatrist, hairdresser etc.) as well as the adult care team at the council and the Parkinson's team from the hospital.

I found her being self-funding got rid of some hurdles in getting her a place quickly. There is still a needs assessment, to see if the home can provide what the resident needs - I found care homes (as opposed to nursing homes, which deal with people who are more ill and need medics on staff) routinely care for residents with Parkinson's and / or dementia.

Age UK has a very good checklist of questions to ask when looking for a home. Also lots of info on the funding issues and options

Ask about choice; what choices are given for meals, bedtime, being able to come out of their room, or choosing to stay in it.
Activities? What is regularly on offer, are there any trips out and about planned.
Visiting times?
A good home will encourage visits at any time, though some prefer that meal times are avoided.
Is there opportunity for spiritual needs to be met (if that's relevant for your mum)
While you're there, observe how staff interact with the residents, is there appropriate background music, or tv that is being watched?

I didn’t get to go in but was shown round the outside and got to peer through the windows. That must have been disconcerting for the residents

If it's important to your Mum is there free access to outside space or would she have to wait to be taken.

During Covid - what are the arrangements for visiting? Can you take her out without her having to quarantine afterwards? How much support is available for contact - help with Facetime etc?

What services are provided in house?
Do they have a hairdresser visit, what about nail care?
Can a newspaper be delivered?
Do they have in house activities, and if so, how often and what?
Would you be allowed to go and eat with your mum if you wanted to?

We had to find a home for DFIL at the start of the year (self funded). We did a load of googling, asked around and read reviews. Chose one eventually that enabled him to have Sky Sports in his room

Whatever you do, don't be sucked in by loads of niceties. You will be paying for stuff that won't necessarily be used. One we looked at last year had a workshop, cinema, 'pub', hairdresser and barber shops, cafe, 3 dining rooms, nail bar etc with a price tag to match. Only when we dug deeper were we told that residents with dementia (like our relative) would be confined to the first floor which just had a couple of sitting rooms and a small dining area. So paying over the odds would have been a waste of money. We ended up with a small, caring home, happy staff, with activities laid on and a minibus for outings, only 20 residents and half the cost of the other one. When my mum also needed to go into care in January we were over the moon that they had a room for her there as well. Look beyond the price tag.

You can ring your local authority adult services (adult health and care) to request an assessment of need. If mum has money then she may be self funding , if her money is under £23,500 and rest tied up in her property she may be entitled to up to 12 weeks property disregard funding from the LA if they agree she needs residential care and they will help find suitable care home.

But most importantly, an assessment can tell you what other options are out there. For example an alternative to residential care that many local authorities have commissioned are extra care schemes- that is sheltered housing (usually flats in a scheme for over 55s) with carers onsite for those that aren't quite residential yet and really just need to downsize and have some personal care etc support. The social worker assessing can talk you through options in her area. Sit with her and telephone in the referral to local adults health and care/ adults social services as the referral service screens based on information you tell them.

If your mum clearly has residential level needs ie disorientated and needs care through the night and inbetween care calls, and is clearly fully self funding (£+++ in savings and in property) then at least the LA can signpost you on how to find suitable care homes in the area.
Ime people rarely go from not needing care package to suddenly needing residential care (unless they have been admitted to hospital for a big health deterioration) as there is so much that can be done to support someone in the community first to support their independence. And there are many options to downsizing from house that is too big to maintain anymore.

Thank you all for the valuable information. Mum has a care package at home Currently but has been "managing".

It's just not enough any more. I think I will call the local adult social care even though she will be self funding just for their advice.

She's had a bad night but luckily I'm available today...

Your advice is very reassuring especially questions to ask potential places

It's also worth knowing which homes locally the LA will fund when money runs out to avoid a move.

My MIL had parkinson's. Ask whether they have other residents with the condition. We looked at one home that couldn't cope with patients susceptible to falls, for example, and were flumoxed when I asked what they'd do. You're looking for things like alarm mats for if she gets up at night, seated exercise classes to help maintain balance and stamina etc.

Agree about asking about staff turnover. The best staff we saw (MIL ended up in 2 different places) were overseas or older UK carers. We complained about one male, younger, carer, who was essentially chucking patients into bed, rather than seeing them as individuals and placing them.

If you haven't looked at this before, be aware that homes cost £££, especially if your mum will be self funding. Nice things like en suites cost more again.

The best staff we saw (MIL ended up in 2 different places) were overseas or older UK carers. We complained about one male, younger, carer, who was essentially chucking patients into bed, rather than seeing them as individuals and placing them. Experience can vary. One of the best staff in my Dad's nursing home is a young male carer. I suspect staff are individuals too

I agree with much of the excellent advice on this thread so far. That said - just one thing. Do not let your relative within sniffing distance of a care home or nursing home unless they have granted you Lasting Power of Attorney in Health and Welfare. And Finance too, while you're about it, but in terms of care, it's Health and Welfare that counts. Without it, at a later time, you will simply not be the decision maker for your parent's care, irrespective whether the family is self-funding. The State will be, that means the NHS, the local Council ie Social Services, and they can give you the run around as they see fit. Bluntly, your relative's death saves them money.

LPA cannot be granted retrospectively. Once your parent is deemed to have lost mental capacity, that's it. The State owns them and it's too late to change that. And the whole 'losing mental capacity' thing is nebulous - it doesn't mean they don't recognise you or are completely ga ga.

My late mother never did not know who she was, where she was or who we were. Still, she was deemed to not have mental capacity for the last few years of her life, as she didn't speak much if at all.

My late Mum had Parkinson's and you are welcome to look back on my post history on this section of the forum for what Surrey's Social Services did do us, I'm not going thru it again!

It's also worth knowing which homes locally the LA will fund when money runs out to avoid a move. We asked this too as we did t want DMIL moved unnecessarily.

Thank again for the great advice. I do have POA already for both so that's one less thing to worry about. I will ask all of these questions.

Let us know how you get on