Dad has stopped eating.

[Cocolapew]

My Dad hasn't really ate anything since the beginning of May. He says he just has no appetite.
He has had bloods done at the GP and then got called for a lot more. A gastric consultant is going to phone him next week for a telephone appointment after he has reviewed the blood results.
I feel that him and my mum aren't being pro active enough. I went around today and he was in bed. I said to my mum that I thought he should be in hospital and she said that she was going to get my dad to phone the GP tomorrow.
She admitted he fell at the weekend but was on cyclizine and was hallucinating on it so has stopped it. If I had knew when he fell I would have phoned an ambulance.
Mum did say she told him he was going to starve to death if he didn't start to eat.
Its such a drastic change in him. He has always been super fit especially for his age.
He hurt his ankle playing golf and then took siactica and has gone downhill so very, very fast
I don't really know what I want from writing this. I'm just so worried and at a loss
I don't know if my mum wants me to take control over the whole thing or not. She's usually pretty on the ball but neither of them even know what the bloods are for or why he's getting a phone appointment.

for you @Cocolapew

He’s lucky to have you and your love and care, and we will have professional help all the way now too. X

Oh darling.

So sorry. HE will have professional help now.

Thank you everyone, I'm not even sure if he'll take the treatment if it's offered.

So sorry. From personal experience I would suggest getting his affairs in order quickly, it wasn't long when my grandad was diagnosed with the same combination. Take care

So sorry, we had this too, please look after your dad.

Is he alert?
Hopefully the consultant will have a frank discussion with him about options, can you be there? If not they may speak to you on the phone. My mum was in complete denial when it happened to dad but fortunately my sister and I had a good discussion with the doctors so knew what to expect.

He is getting a bit confused at times but is chatty still. He still isnt eating though. I explained what the dr had told us and he said "oh fuck that"

Really sorry to hear this OP, been through something similar with my mum but a different type of cancer. The day you get the news is just horrendous so make sure you have support around you.

The next thing is to make sure you're informed of the treatment/care options, incase your dad isn't really taking it in.

I explained what the dr had told us and he said "oh fuck that"

Brilliant!

Hi op I'm so sorry to hear this, remember to take care of yourself too 🤗🤗

If it is quite late stage don't focus too much on the eating as it can be quite uncomfortable. Just have all his favourite treats available when he wants them and he might find it easier to have some liquids.

You're doing a great job and he will appreciate you being there for him.

I'm sorry sorry to hear that too. Do you feel able to talk to him about what he wants? My DF was really clear that he wanted to go into the local Hospice. They provided Hospice at Home until there wax a bed for him.

I'm so sorry Cocolapew. This exact scenario happened with my step dad this month. perfectly healthy, suddenly stopped eating and then the diagnosis followed.

The only thing we regret is not having him in hospice sooner. He only had a day in hospice before he died. It was the nicest day we had in 6 weeks.

Second those advocating hospice. My father died 3 weeks after diagnosis and the hospice made it all more bearable.

Oh god, I'm so sorry. What desperate news.

So sorry to read this. the same has happened to my granny. She stopped eating in April and just can’t bring herself to eat now. It’s bowel cancer and it’s such a shock to hear. Thinking of you.

Thank you for all your kind words and I'm sorry for all your losses .
I made a mistake it's his kidney not liver.
I'm presuming from people's own stories the outcome is going to be bleak. The Dr did mention treatment but I personally think he's going to be found to be too far gone.
We're in NI think we might have 2 hospices near us. I had an uncle die in hospital due to brain cancer and it was a bit horrific, so if the time comes I'm sure my mum would be open to him going. It was her brother that died and she hoped he would have got to go to the hospice but my aunt refused
I can't fault the nurses and Dr looking after my Dad.
They both have their funerals sorted already so we know what he wants.
Thank you all again.

Sending love

Hope you're doing as well as you can be today.

Bear in mind that every patient is different, so even though things moved quickly for some here it might not be the same for your dad. At one point we were told mum had 2 months at most, but she lived for another year. She had just enough treatment to slow down the progress of the cancer without causing her harm. She had a short course of radiotherapy and flew through it with very few side effects. She was 75 at the time.

I don't know what the treatment plan is for your dad, but we were told that every individual reacts differently so it's very hard to predict how/when things will start to go downhill.

Waiting for news is hard I know, but hang in there.

Thank you both.
Me and DD were just talking about her boyfriends grandma before we got the news yesterday. She was given a couple of months to live and that was a year ago, she had chemo. She had a stroke, lung and stomach cancer and is renewing her vows next week .
I feel very flat today, it's like I was running on adrenaline the last week and now have nothing left. Luckily my sick line is for another 2 weeks and then I'm off work most of the summer.

My mother had similar . By the time she went to hospital with very few symptoms, it was already far spread.
It was a shock and we were calmly told that she had less than a month to live . She died 2 weeks later. It was
a bit of a blur to us . But later, my father said that it was an outcome that most people wish for. No lingering pain and suffering , time to see people , make any last wishes known and we all got to say goodbye to her .

I am sorry this is happening to your family. I hope he will go to the hospice as they are so much better at controlling pain , tending to his needs than any home situation.

Prayers to you

Luckily my sick line is for another 2 weeks and then I'm off work most of the summer.

Good, that should hopefully give you some time with your DPs and some time for you to try and look after yourself too

He's coming home today, he has an appointment for a bronchoscopy on the 30th. He still isn't eating yet but has been taking a few forsips. I hadn't gone to the hospital but then had to go to help bring some of his mobility aids home. They were waiting for pharmacy to send something up but my mum didn't know what.
OT phoned me this morning asking about where and how mum and dad lived and what aids they could provide. He doesn't want carers coming in yet, he is still able to get up and go to the toilet. I just worry about him falling, but I do live only a few minutes drive away.
He's in a lot of pain so I'm hoping he's coming home with good pain relief, if not I'll phone the GP tomorrow.

Speak to the GP about Macmillan referral and hospice referral. The hospice will be expert in managing the pain he is in. In my terrible experience, GPs are. It expert in this field.
All the best op

*GPs are not expert in this field