Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

Anyone else get frustrated ?

34 replies

Sp1r1tWater927 · 23/05/2021 20:40

Recent conversation
I live several hours away

1
A place that never had parking charges, now has a pay by mobile phone meter
I can't park there any more
But you have a mobile phone for emergencies
I don't always take it with me
You are supposed to take it with you every journey, incase you break down
I don't know how to use the mobile
Go to the meter & read the instructions & try doing it, learn how to do it

2
Meet me at X
I don't know how to get there
You have a sat nav built into the car ( has been shown numerous times how to use)
I will send you a map printed off the Internet, with address, phone number etc

Anyone else have similar conversations?

OP posts:
Veuvelily · 23/05/2021 20:48

I feel really sorry for old people who have to navigate new technology

GreenClock · 23/05/2021 21:04

Not with my parents actually - I’ll say that for them. I’ve come across “learned helplessness” a fair bit from elderly customers at work though. Having said that, it must be hard to navigate this techy world we inhabit if you have no confidence with IT because you never used it at work before retirement.

FleetwoodRaincoat · 23/05/2021 21:08

I have this with my parents. I'm mostly frustrated because both of them have always been good with technology, but feel somehow now that they don't have to try because I will do it for them. And don't get me started on passwords ...

CharlotteRose90 · 23/05/2021 21:13

Oh god you are literally describing my mum, it is frustrating but I think back to my mums time when things were different. My mums 72 and in her time phones and stuff didn’t exist. I think it’s kinda cool actually.

Tigresswoods · 23/05/2021 22:36

MIL is 87 & currently in hospital following a fall. A very well meaning friend suggested I show her how to get bbc sounds on her phone & sort her out with some headphones.

I couldn't even begin to think MIL would grasp this.

partyatthepalace · 23/05/2021 22:50

It’s frustrating - but it’s really hard I think to get to grips with so much change.

Have you tried going with them to parking metre?

SynchroSwimmer · 23/05/2021 23:16

Oh yes!
DM, looking at broadband leaflets through her letterbox, asks me “do you have broadband?” Followed by “Is it good?” and as a DM reader she then says “you have to be careful you know” 😂

Meanwhile MIL (aged 96) is busy on her IPad Pro, chatting on Facetime, every single day with Canada, Australia, Belgium, Germany and Ipswich (admittedly not always on the most appropriate timelines for the recipients 😂)
I meanwhile am her “Remote IT Helpdesk” when her fingers stray on to the wrong pages...

WhatHaveIFound · 24/05/2021 09:45

It’s frustrating and my mum has only just admitted that she really wished she'd learned how to use a computer/ipad. As they get older they're relying on me more and more so I really sympathise with you OP.

Today I have to...
Speak to Apple as dad has signed out of his devices, forgotten his password and now has no access to his email to reset his Apple ID.
Phone their doctor to chase up test results, physio & Parkinson's clinic
Make an appointment for them to add me to their bank account

I live 50 mins away from them and I find I'm having to drive over there more and more often to sort things out whilst my sister who lives aboard does nothing.

Mischance · 24/05/2021 09:58

Hey - let's cut them a bit of slack! Smile Some will take to the new technologies, some won't.

Original poster
Sp1r1tWater927 · 24/05/2021 10:13

Thank you everyone

I live minimum 3 hours away, sometimes 5 hours journey one way depending on the traffic

They don't have Internet either

It is not a case of "just popping round to show them how to use the parking meter"

OP posts:
Oenanthe · 24/05/2021 10:15

Have you got DC, OP?

Because one day they'll be writing this thread about you. Believe it or not.

FricasseeTurnips · 24/05/2021 10:16

My dad wrote software for places like the Atomic Weapons Establishment and BAE back in the day but still can't change the clock on his oven - but that's ok because he's got this great oven timer called Alexa Grin

Stronghold · 24/05/2021 10:18

This will 100% be us in the future.

"Just 3d-app the greezils to my futurespex vr stream! Jeez how hard can it be?"

SaintVal · 24/05/2021 11:25

This thread has made me sad and possibly hit a nerve as I lost my Mum this year to Alzheimer's. My Dad is 73 and perfectly 'with it' but all this technology is exhausting and frustrating for him. It's too much for our elders and can be quite depressing for them because it makes them feel stupid. Tbh those parking meters are a bloody pain in the arse!

We will be like this one day - you do make it sound like it's a massive inconvenience and that's what makes me sad.

Mischance · 24/05/2021 11:33

I am 72. I used computers in my media profession so have the basics at my fingertips. But there are things that sometimes fox me.....my DD organised for my mobile to work via the internet, as the mobile reception is poor here. I could have done that myself (I google for instructions for various actions) but......I did not know it was a possibility! That is where family comes in handy, as they tend to keep up with innovations.

I do know that my parents struggled dreadfully with all this, because it was not part of their working lives so they did not have the basics as a foundation. It can be frustrating - I remember trying to explain to my 90 year old Dad over the phone (he was deaf!) how to send an email. But using these things can hugely enhance the lives of elderly people, so it is worth the effort to try and explain.

MereDintofPandiculation · 24/05/2021 11:40

I understand where they're coming from. I was brought up when there were only landlines, and not everyone had one - I had friends who could call only from a public phone box. So I and my friends are used to a culture where you make firm plans in advance, you write letters, you have long phone chats. Frequenting texting is alien.

So when I got a smart phone, I used it for things I needed not for things I could do just because I could, so I'm now faced with catching up at a time when younger people have forgotten there might be any problem - it's a bit like not learning to play table tennis or ride a bike when you were a kid. No-one can understand why, as an adult, you can't just buy a bike and get on it.

It's more than just "go to the meter and follow the instructions". As I understand it, you have to first a) make sure you have a way of paying via your mobile b) download a parking app. And you'll be so conscious of other people watching you mess it up, or even just go super slowly.

The pace of change in technology is increasing. Look hard at unnecessary things that youngsters are doing with tech, because the totally unnecessary now will become the vital skills of the future.

WhatHaveIFound · 24/05/2021 11:47

We will be like this one day - you do make it sound like it's a massive inconvenience and that's what makes me sad.

I would never let my parents know about my frustration though, nor do they know the tough time I'm going through at the moment because I don't want to burden them with my problems.

Personally threads like this are a great release for me to vent what I can't say 'in real life'!

BigusBumus · 24/05/2021 11:57

I pay for my mums iPhone contract through our business, she has trouble understanding that all her calls from it are "free" (as in, included) and will still use her fuzzy-sounding landline as she thinks that calls from a mobile are "expensive" and she doesn't like to take advantage. I have tried to explain this to her many times.

She will also trek for miles to the nearest bank, to find out her balance rather than look on the app on her phone that I set up for her and that has face recognition.

She does send emails and can Facetime though, but won't use her contactless card as she saw something on TV with Angela Rippon or Gloria Hunniford or someone saying how it will wipe her bank account out. But she often responds to those phishing emails asking for bank details by clicking on a link.

MrsPsmalls · 24/05/2021 12:03

No they are perfectly entitled to not be able to cope with this. It's terribly frustrating for them. Dad 84 has a mobile and can just about reply to texts very slowly .. that's ok. He can no longer park in town for the same reason as your parents. He has arthritis and can't manage to push the buttons accurately. He can't see the screen clearly without a magnifying glass (Yes he is still okay to drive). And he has never downloaded an app or uploaded a credit card. I am very sorry for him

Original poster
Sp1r1tWater927 · 24/05/2021 12:35

It is just so frustrating when I don't live locally !
I do try to help, yesterday was a bad day for my patience !

Pre covid I visited approx every month/6 weeks
There was always a list of things to sort out
Going to the bank
Hospital appointments
Organised delivery of regular medecine
Organised help in the home when needed
Entertainment & days out

Covid
Organised online food delivery & neighbours were very kind too
Organised POA

Covid restrictions relaxed
I've invited them on a holiday that I've paid for

Some of my friends have had to give up their job to look after their elderly, frail parents

They don't want to move & I don't want to either

OP posts:
Miasicarisatia · 24/05/2021 13:02

Some of my friends have had to give up their job to look after their elderly, frail parents
Surely there are other choices, or are they in a traditional country where there is no welfare system?

Original poster
Sp1r1tWater927 · 24/05/2021 13:42

It has been their choice to give up their job

I believe that they claim carers allowance & they have a partner who helps to support them

OP posts:
shallIswim · 24/05/2021 13:46

How old are they OP?
My parents are 84 (dad with dementia) and 80 (strong willed mum). For the past 15 years I've been trying to get them to engage with technology. It would have helped dad so much.
Mum can grudgingly google so no longer calls me for phone numbers. But I have to do her online shopping
It's frustrating
But not sure you'll change them
One thing I have done (all Apple devices) is set up a family photostream and that has tempted mum to engage.
So maybe start with something fun. Also her grandchildren email her and she can just about manage a reply

Original poster
Sp1r1tWater927 · 24/05/2021 13:52

They are too set in their ways, so they won't ever change now
In their 80s
I have tried
So I guess that you have answered my question
That I will always be the default person to contact for help

OP posts:
Miasicarisatia · 24/05/2021 13:53

It's still your choice to be available as the default person, if you make yourself unavailable they will be forced to engage with technology