Totally overwhelmed

[Borntobeamum]

Dm is 89. DS is 88. Both very compus mentus. Live independently. Dd still drives. They live 45 miles away from me and similar from my Db.
2 weeks ago, DD had a fall while out and broke 2 small bones in his pelvis. He has been hospitalised since then with obviously no visitors.
Because he fell, he has become scared to try and walk.
I am getting very little from the staff when I call other than he’s sat out in a chair waiting for breakfast/lunch tea etc.
I am so worried he will feel he’s been abandoned.

My mum is allowed to visit from Sunday. Just for an hour twice a week. Her mental state has take a bashing because of this and I’ve seen a decline in her.

What do we do? Who do we speak to regarding after care for dad? They live in a stunning old double cottage but no toilet downstairs. They enquired about a stair lift being installed but the company said the staircase was too narrow.

I just feel rather helpless at the moment.

Sorry DD is 88

I would start by contacting the hospital discharge team, expressing your concerns about whether returning him home would be a safe discharge, or whether it would result in a premature return to hospital.

Hospital discharge team will liaise with the district nurse service Occupational Therapist. The OT can provide things like a commode (they will feel that a bed downstairs and a commode is a perfectably acceptable way to live).

He does need to get over his fear - the alternative to walking again may be a care home.

Have you looked at lifts? There are some small modular ones available which don't take up much more space than a computer chair.

Friends elderly mother fell and broke her hip earlier this year. She was in hospital for two weeks. She was then sent to a rehab unit to help her become independent again.
Before she came home her bed was moved downstairs and a commode was installed as bathroom is upstairs. Likewise a stair lift wouldn't work on her stairs. Occupation health came and assessed the home before she was discharged. They were allowed the first 6 weeks of carers coming in for free four times a day. This is now down to twice a day, but also has to be paid for.

Since she came home she is much better, now able to potter around on her in the house and make herself a drink or sandwich.

Thank you very much for your reply.

I’ve actually phoned the ward and a doctor called me back.
They are planning a discharge assessment in 31/5.
They are having the vascular team look at an ulcer on his leg. He had been going to the surgery 3 times a week for it dressing for the last 6 months.
My mum is keen for a lift, and would be able to finance this privately.

I’ve had ‘the talk’ with my DM about the next thing to do if dad is unable to come home to their house. My husband has found a 2 bed facility close by where they live which ‘could’ be an option however I’m not going to mention that yet. They could move in and sell the house after moving.
I appreciate any input from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

My Dad was in hospital as a result of a sudden decline in physical ability. The thing that surprised me was the speed at which they could act if necessary. We managed to get them to hold off discharge for a few days while we purchased and had installed a stairlift. Then he was returned home on Friday afternoon. Half an hour later the OT arrived, and a few minutes later the Social Services coordinator. The OT provided two zimmer frames (upstairs and downstairs), and for some safety rails to be fitted - zimmer frames delivered that day. SS arranged for 4 carers per day, starting that evening. And I sorted meals on wheels, starting on the Monday.

The NHS will pay for up to 6 weeks "reablement" which includes carers. During this time the carers will log what assistance they give and a decision is made as to whether the person is OK or will need longer term care. If they need longer term care then they are turned over to social services, and a financial contribution (means tested) becomes payable.

Sadly, my dad continued to decline, and after 3 months agreed to transfer to a nursing home.

Thank you Mere x

If you haven't already, I'd apply for Attendance allowance for DF. It's not means tested and could help towards any additional things he might need. Have the hospital said whist physio he's receiving as well?

Before he leaves hospital he’ll get an assessment by a physiotherapist and an occupational therapist- they should also call his NOK to talk about his discharge plans. If he has the potential to get back to his baseline or there abouts he could be offered a place in a rehab facility.
If he’s to come home he should come home with all equipment in place including Zimmer frames etc