i dont understand family

[Justarandomusername]

my mother had copd for several years before she passed away she had six children including myself. the others did nothing for her her i was left to care for her on my own. i tokd them when she passed one wanted the funeral directors details on the pretence two of our other brothers wanted to send flowers i stpidly gave him the details next thing i know hes contacted the funeral director himself making demands about carrying coffin and streaming the cremation online for other family that had never been there he then gets in touch with the minisyer who will doing mums service regarding his talk about mum saying what a great mother she was how she was always in her familys thoughts and how much of a shock it was to them all when she passed. this same brother lied to his mother only last year knowing she had a terminal illness about having cancer it feels like hes tried to take over her cremation and made out we were all one big happy family and going on about how her other sons lovrd her and how she was always in theyre thoughts. i told minister that i wasnt happy at this brother going behind my back in contacting him and told him in no uncertain terms what the siuation was and that the rest of the so called family had never been there for theyre mother even when she was dying with one lying about cancer i was told that they family and all had the right to an input in her service what rights when they were never there

my mother passed away only last saturday yet only 2 days layer on the monday anothrr brother who when asked for help with providing care for his mother told me to windmy neck inand stop playing victim contacts me asking about mums estate and bow it needs to be sorted out shes not even been ctemated yet but wants name of lawyer dealing with her estate even though hes been told im her ndxt of kin she specificaally asked me to deal with lawyer as rest of family wrrent there it just seems wrong that family can at like this and get away with it

You need to get on to the solicitor and check that you are officially next of kin.
If you are, contact the funeral director, tell them , and get the arrangements how you want them.
If not, I’m afraid that the oldest child will be NOK.
Is there definitely a will ?

theres a will and mother told the lawyer in writing that she wanted me to deal with will as she didnt have a good relatinship with other children i just feel this last week has been stressfull enough but others whove done nothing sat back and let me get on with it now want to take over not because of mum or to help but for theyre own interests

Sorry for your loss.

Hopefully your mum had left a will stating who the executor is, otherwise it doesn't matter what you say she said.

Estates are not normally distributed until 6 months after death to ensure any liabilities are dealt with.

weall ive already said she told the lawyer in writing so its not a case of me claiming that she said something its there in her own writing and im not the one pushing for money i wanted the cremation over with and some time to grie ve thats one of her other sons i ddont get peoples attitudes

Sorry it was a Xpost

You don't have to 'get' people's attitudes OP. It's obvious they are not on your side and just out for themselves so all you have to do is find a way of dealing with them. Do as much as you can through the lawyer. Don't get into arguments with them, it's not worth it. Let the law sort it out. If you are officially next of kin there's nothing they can do about it.
Sounds like they're interested now that they've got a whiff of money.

ill send lawyer mothers death certificate today informing him.shes passed i have his email and remind him.im next of kin and to check with me before doing anything ill send him email today as office will be closed and no doubt my brother will phone office tomorow

Im sorry for your loss @Justarandomusername

I get it. Its one if the reasons i started this elderly parents section over 10 years ago. And i still dont understand my siblings attitudes. You need to try to make your own peace with it all as it eats you up. Trust me. I know.

Do you have to deal with them and their requests? Are you legally obliged to? Can you just go through solicitors if theyre upsetting you?

Im sorry for your loss. In my experience, when someone dies its like all the vultures come out. Its hideous. I remember when my nana was dying, her estranged daughter who had zero time for her, was coming round the house demanding what things she wanted. She cried the loudest at the funeral too and yet completely blanked me, when id done nothing to her her whole life except be the daughter of my dad. Made me a bit sick. Not that my nana had anything to leave except souvenirs.

I think when the person has money to leave, its even worse. Im sorry youre dealing with this x

Ive heard

theres a fair ammount of money in her account just under 30k which theyre all entitled to.a share of under scots law which seems wrong that strangers can dictate to someody what they do.with theyre money when they pass ill be left the house as theyre only entitle d to share of movemable estat e meaning money

bran and ss i hope people like this get karma

They haven't so far. I tell everyone not to think karma exists.

I’m so sorry for your loss and sorry that your family are behaving like this. Unfortunately people have short memories when it comes to what has really gone on in such cases. I would telephone your Solicitor and warn them that your relatives will be in touch and tell him exactly whats been said so they are aware beforehand. I’m afraid you will see your family’s true colours when there is money involved, but stay strong, you don’t have to tell them anything. Please take time for yourself and sort things out at your pace, not theirs.

Sorry for your loss, do you have someone that can support you ? My Mil passed away last August the siblings have all gone their own way and only my husband still speaks to them individually, I don't know why though as some of them were utter shits before her death and even worse after.

Glitter unfortunately no support there was a large family she had 7 siblings all still here 6 children and 8 grandchildren all adults as well but none were there even when she was alive never any offers from any go have a few hrs to yourself or have a day off well take over they've been out for themselves didn't even visit her when she had a stroke 6 years ago I was getting pestered with 7 or 8 phonecalls a day asking how she was because none could be bothered going to see her themselves even when my father passed away the full brother I have (the rest are half brothers) didn't help arrange funeral or estate as he knew everything would be left to mum he's only interested now because thweres money invlved

My husband is 1/6 but everything fell to him and his sister and myself. The pandemic made it even easier for the others to stay away under the guise of keeping everyone safe what they failed to think about was their own mother in serious decline not just physically but mentally and the toll that had on us who were caring for her. I'll be here for a hand hold or support as I found the kindness of strangers is often more beneficial than support in RL. Did your mum make her wishes known for how she'd like her funeral conducted?

yeah glitt i just wish her other sons didnt have to invited its bad glitter that people show theyre true colours makes you more wary of people ive had amessage from full brother day before mums crrmation which is tomorow demanding to know whats happening with her rstate and tells me ive left him with no choice but to see a lawyer and go to court i said good luck with that i could understand that if it had been dragging on for a year or two but shes been dead 8 days and the only thing he can think of day before cremation is inheritance and making legal threats and this is an an older brother supoosedly well educated with two degrees obviously thinks he can pressure and bully me

and thanks for your offer glitter

That's disgusting behaviour from him. Let him get a lawyer and waste his money saying goodbye to your mum is your priority not pandering to his demands.

Sorry for your loss. People can be shameless, greedy and act like vultures when it comes to money! they just have no shame and no guilt.

I will be thinking of you today. I hope the funeral goes as well as can be expected. If anybody mentions the estate/money, just say today is not the day to be talking about it. Let your brother speak to the solicitor, they are used to dealing with this sort of situation and will tell him what he needs to know.

Oh how awful for you to be dealing with all.this on top of dealing with the loss of your dear mum
Hope today goes as well as it can and all.aggro is avoided.

It went better than expected the two brothers that I had had problems with kept they're distance and mum had the send off she deserved it seems the brothers were playingv mind games before funeral or I'm hoping thats the case and there's nothing more to come but I had no sleep last night as I expected different scenarios from them maybe that's what they wanted to make me more uptight I had asked the funeral company to sit them elsewhere away from me to make sure we kept our distance they didn't do much as look at me yet online up until yesterday they made things a lot more difficult than they should have been I'll never forgive them for that one of our relations said to me that it was time to put our differences aside and I told her what had been happening with them so who knows what she thought

So glad they didn’t make a scene and it went as your Mum would have wanted. Well done, it’s not easy sorting out funeral arrangements. Hopefully you can now relax in peace.

I'm glad it went well yesterday if you have any other issues with them block them on all social media as you need time to grieve without being antagonised by them.