Help initial advice needed re elderly relative.

[giletrouge]

Looking for a quick bit of initial advice. I have an elderly relative who is showing signs of dementia. Relative has three children who are all trying to persuade her to get some kind of assessment which she’s resisting. I’m in contact with one of the three children (having been NC with my whole birth family for nearly fifty years now being dragged back into stuff – bloody hell!) So now I’m being told about what’s happening and frankly they all seem pretty clueless – do they have to persuade her, or can they get an assessment activated on her behalf? She’s 78 and her husband died a few years ago. I don’t want to get full-on involved but I don’t mind being a point of advice and finding out stuff for them. But I feel they’re not being proactive enough in getting something done, just waiting until they’ve persuaded her – which may never happen! Thank you.

Should have said they are in the north of England region.

A difficult one. As long as she has the capacity to make the decision, she has the right not to be assessed. And if you say she is showing signs of dementia, she may still have the capacity to make that decision.

Secondly, things may not change very much if she does have a diagnosis. Help will be available according to her needs not according to her diagnosis.

Persuasion may work better if they talk about being a bit forgetful rather than about dementia, and about possible causes such as vitamin deficiency or anaemia. Dementia is a one way street to losing all autonomy, not being able to decide when to go to bed or what to have for dinner, so a scary prospect.

What most people seem to do is to write to the GP. He/she can’t discuss her with you but can take action, eg invite her in for a “standard health check”

I’d suggest that one of her children writes to her Doctor with their concerns, hopefully the Doctor will contact the mother for a ‘routine check-up’. This is the approach my cousin took with my Aunt, led to diagnosis and support

Thank you, that's a helpful starting point. I've never had to deal with this so I'm as clueless as they are (or possibly more clueless - but probably more plugged in to how to go about getting advice).

Thank you both.

It is such a hard one because my Mum was the same, although younger, she would not get assessed and then it hard. My Dad was more compliment but we just booked the appointment and took him along but he was more advanced in his Dementia when he was diagnosed.

I would say after having how had both parents with Dementia, the quicker they are able to get her assessed the better she will be because the tablets do help. Diet can also make a big difference to the symptoms.

They could speak to GPs and Social Services to see if they have any advice this will not be the first time that people are reluctant to be tested for Dementia. Also any local groups and forums.

Also, the one thing, if they do not have them in place already, is Lasting Power of Attorneys for both finance and health.

Good luck to you and them it is not a fun time.

The routine check-up strategy sounds like the best one 👍

Gosh thanks everyone this is really helpful and I'm passing it on, especially the bit about them writing to her GP to express their concerns so that THEY can start things off rather than feeling powerless with her. I'm really grateful.