Arranging private home care quickly

[mrshoho]

My parents health and independence is rapidly worsening (mum in particular). I've spoken to their gp and a social services assessment has been requested but it's still going to take months to sort out. I think my mum needs someone to come in each morning to help get washed dressed and eat. And in the evening the same to get ready for bed. Ideally more care to prepare meals and help for my dad but he is quite stubborn and is managing so not so worried about him. Can anyone recommend a private agency or give advice on what I can do. I'm working and have teenagers at home that I'm having to neglect somewhat as I'm spending so much time each day atvmy parents. My parents have some money which can be used. Thanks.

You should have some private care agencies in the area? I would ask locally for some independent recommendations (on a local fb page or similar)

Your local council should have details on their website- adult social care. They may have a helpline.
Look for Cqc ratings. Home instead are a franchise group often recommended here but aren't cheap
Recommendationis best- as pp said, local ffb group etc.
Gp surgery may know- local age uk or carers association
Do they have non means tested carers allowance? Again seek help applying.

Thank you, I will. I've been searching on line and there seems to be so many to choose from.

I had to find a home for my mum and found that the local branch of the Alzheimer's society was really helpful in suggestions for local services, as it was based on feedback from other families. The local branch of Age UK would also be worth contacting, as they can also make sure that your parents are receiving all possible help, including benefits.

They have nothing at the moment. It's trying to find the time to fill in forms plus look after them. I think if I get the care in place I can spend more time on the rest. We have in the last few weeks sent off the power of attorney forms.

thank you, yes ageuk I will contact them tomorrow.

If your parents are self funding then no need to await social services, just use the advice above to crack on and arrange what they need.
Are they happy for you to give up your time and be there every day? Your dad is likely only 'managing' at your expense. He's ok with this!!?

As an ex district nurse I've seen these situations spiral very quickly. Don't be afraid to encourage them to use their 'rainyday' money to buy in services to ensure their safety and well being. Many older baulk at the thought of spending anything, but I think it's far more unreasonable to rely on family with DC of their own.
Good luck.

If you are going private it’s easy to sort although it feels like a minefield. Google local agencies, look at their cqc ratings as well as their websites, ask on local Facebook pages, pick 3 and phone them for a chat. They will be quite used to your kind of call and will guide you through the process. By the third call you will have a good idea what you need to be asking and what the right answers are. Get a gut feel from the call as to whether you want one of them to come and meet your mum and do an assessment. After an assessment if you want to go ahead you can agree what you want done each visit and off you go.

If you find you don’t like them, they are unreliable, it’s a different carer every visit, they don’t respond to your calls, whatever, you can cancel them and try another agency.

Most private agencies round here will do an hour minimum call, and charge £25-30 per hour. Good quality reliable care is expensive but can transform lives.

Your local area will probably have a private brokerage type of agency. In my area it's this:

mycareselection.co.uk

They can search the market for available agencies.

If they're under the self-funding threshold though and you want social services to pay then push for the assessment. I'm a SW and in my area the wait for the assessment is 1-2 weeks if not less!

Thank you all for excellent advice. The money is there so I really do feel they should use it and then when it runs out think about funding. My Dad is very demanding of my time and quite unreasonable. My poor mum never asks for anything but needs looking after.

Have you spoken directly to social services yet? That I think would be quicker than via GP. If individual savings are over £23k they’ll be self funding, but if they’re eligible for funded care they shouldn’t be paying just because assessment is slow in coming. Depends on whether social services agree with you on need for care. You’ll need to make it clear that you cannot provide care.

Once you have time, see if you can apply for attendance allowance, non means tested and helps defray costs

If they have any social services involvement they might recommend an agency, or just use google & cqc for local agencies - some are national and some local. There seem to be two categories really, cheaper ones that local authorities use around £15 ph (basic , often a variety of carers, short on time and training but can be great if you get the right carers) and more expensive 'home companion' type ones at around £20-5 p.h. Both require home assessments first but I've managed to get care in place within 3 days in emergencies. It's useful to get a key safe in and for shopping some banks will give a 'companion card' the carers can shop with.

I have an agency coming Friday to assess and plan so feeling hopeful. We put a keysafe up this week and her room downstairs should be ready by the weekend. The stairs were unsafe so she is sleeping on the sofa at the moment. I can carry on getting the shopping in and doing the laundry etc but it's the personal care and preparing the meals that I am struggling with. I think having regular daily contact will make a big difference.

Just coming back to update. The agency visit went well and provided so much information. I felt quite reassured as she was not fazed by anything and gave the impression that everything we hope to put in place is reasonable and required. All going well care should begin by the end of next week.

@mrshoho
How has it gone since? I’m at this stage for mum, too.

The care visits started Monday and are going really well. A lovely carer comes for an hour in the morning and evening. There will be a different person coming tonight and over the weekends. In the evening it takes about half an hour to get her ready and then she will sit and chat and mum really likes this. I'm hoping the regular routine will be good. The carer has also mentioned a couple of health concerns that the gp was aware of but hadn't followed up on so when we contact the gp we can say that the carer has reported it to us and hopefully will action sooner. If mum was on her own the visits wouldn't be enough but at the moment for us I think it will be fine.

It's a massive learning curve @janeExotic. The agency we went with was from a local recommendation. They are a charitable organisation set up to support carers but also have a homecare service. The information and advice they have provided us has helped greatly.

Hi @mrshoho
Do you mind me asking how you got a local recommendation for a carer?
I've found websites through Google but they are bit sterile.
Thankyou

Hi, I searched on our Facebook local group and found someone had posted a request for recommendations, so I read through the replies.

Life has changed somewhat since my first post. My mother is now in hospital with a blood clot on her lung and unstable oxygen levels. Her dementia decline has been rapid but then I wonder how much of this could be caused by unstable oxygen levels? My father has become more irrational and volatile. To the point that I have not had any contact with him since my Mum was taken to hospital. I have had to report his behaviour as a Safeguarding issue as he is in denial that there is anything wrong with my Mum. He stopped speaking to her, ignoring her and repeating that there's nothing wrong with her. He has been arguing and swearing at his neighbours who were lifelong friends. He has broken me and it was a relief for my Mum to be admitted as I no longer had to face him. My Mum when discharged will have 6 weeks in a step down discharge bed which gives us time to plan. I feel so torn but I know deep down home is not the safe place for her. I reported my concerns about my Dad and his Gp has contact him under cover of needing routine blood and urine samples to rule out any obvious medical problems. I feel like the worst daughter but I just want my mum to be safe and have some peace in her final years.

You’ve done the right thing @mrshoho

Thank you Felicity. I'm constantly doubting myself as hearing so many conflicting opinions from so many different people. The sad thing is if my Mum's cognitive ability was ok she would choose to stay and continue to placate him. I just can't sit back and let it continue though.

Social services have 28 days to make an assessment from the point of the referral being made (although this may have changed slightly to accommodate for covid)

If there is a risk of immediate harm or loss they can assess immediately, services can be put in quickly in this case.

If your parents have over £23.5k in savings then they won’t be eligible for financial assistance from the local authority (still eligible for an assessment and advice and guidance though). If they don’t have that amount and it’s not an emergency and you want to arrange private care then your local
Authority should have a directory (ours is accessible online)

Sorry just saw your update. Sounds like it’s become an urgent situation and you’ll Hopefully get all the support you need now. Unfortunately sometimes it takes a crisis to get professionals to become active

Do look at Attendance Allowance if you have not claimed it. It is not means tested, you can claim for both parents.

thanks yes I finally completed the attendance allowance forms a couple of weeks ago and got a text acknowledgement that there would be a decision in 8 weeks.

It does seem true that it often takes reaching crisis point before the support is offered.