Stopping Elderly parent from Driving??

[AlwaysLatte]

My Dad is 80 this year, a whole host of health issues including heart failure and COPD, and is housebound/uses a wheelchair with help (he can walk a few metres indoors but gets very breathless afterward). He also has kidney disease and a very dense cataract in one eye and is depth perception is awful. He's getting as much medical attention as is possible and is on the waiting list for cataract surgery. However last week at an eye test he was told he only needed one eye to drive, so he meets the driving standard! He is determined to drive and to my horror on going through the DVLA application, his main issues don't seem to prevent him from driving - it's more an all round kind of unwellness that makes him very frail. So if I fill out the form with him, he kind of seems to tick the boxes. Has anyone managed to successfully stop a stubborn parent from driving in this situation, if so how? Most of us would admit that our driving days are over but he is deluded and thinks he can. Grateful for advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation.

Most of us would admit that our driving days are over but he is deluded and thinks he can.

tbh I'm not sure that is true as it is such a factor in independence.

My DF is 91 and DB and I are trying to persuade him not to drive for an hour to a wedding. He hasn't driven much at all in lockdown, has had a spell in hospital, and this would be on an unfamiliar route.

There are schemes (which may or may not be running I guess due to covid) where an 'Advanced Motorist' will do an assessment of driving of an elderly person to see if they are safe to drive. Could you get your DF to do that? See www.olderdrivers.org.uk/driver-assessment/

Might his insurance co expect to be told about his health problems?

Thanks Teenmums, unfortunately he thinks he is fine and doesn't think it's necessary to take a course - he's had 60 years with no accidents and just wants to get back in the road. He can be very stubborn!

@Willdoitlater unfortunately he seems to meet the criteria for all the health issues, as they seem to look at each thing individually. Not how all the various conditions work together or generally how a person is. It's really frustrating - I've been through the DVLA medical list in detail and general old age and slowness/reaction speed aren't addressed exactly. And he's got a sore neck so wouldn't be able to turn it quickly, I can't see that on there either. So he's covered for the insurance if he meets the standard.

You have my sympathy with this. In the past I've had to tell two elderly relatives that they needed to stop driving because their kids either didn't care or were too scared. Grandad sulked with me as I just said he was too old and had slowed down. Now, he prefers not worrying about where to park etc.

The other relative (who I looked after) had a proper strop and spent a month looking for a car making sure that I knew about it. He gave up in the end and has since died. I really miss the old bugger.

Good luck.

Thanks @Judgedbycats, I wish my dad would albeit grudgingly accept being told by us. Unfortunately he knows we don't have the right to stop him so unless I can find an official way to he will drive. We've SORNed his car and taken the keys, but he is quite capable of buying another car if he decides to!

You could ask his GP to mention it to him? Write an email to the Dr? He might listen to the Dr of he/she agrees with you.

Has anyone managed to successfully stop a stubborn parent from driving in this situation, if so how?

Yes. My FIL was having multiple accidents and wouldn't give up so my sister in law hid the car keys.

Yes. My FIL was having multiple accidents and wouldn't give up so my sister in law hid the car keys.
My Dad would stop if he had an accident, I know he would. But he thinks he won't have one (we think he will). We've already hidden the car keys, put the car on one of our drives and SORNed it, but he's considering buying a different car anyway (sports car 🙈).

You could ask his GP to mention it to him? Write an email to the Dr? He might listen to the Dr of he/she agrees with you.
I'm going to try this again. I have already tried, about a year ago, when I said to the GP 'Dad's really keen to get driving again', assuming he'd say no way, but he didn't tell him he couldn't so my Dad saw it as proof that he can.

I think you need to write your concerns to the Dr. Don't expect an answer to your letter but just hope that the Dr will assess your Dad when they can.

Try .”working with him to get him on the road again” - say “dad,we’ll help you get driving again if you have an assessment first” then get a competent driving instructor to take him out and give their opinion.