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Elderly parents
Original poster

Starting to plan

12 replies

Febo24 · 15/04/2021 11:57

Hello! Does anyone have an pointers of websites/resources to help with care plans for parents?

My mum's living on her own, very far away from me currently ,but wants to have a plan in place for the future and I'm not sure where to start.

Similar vein: purely to throw it in the mix, anyone had a granny flat/annex installed, and what what are approx prices for SW England?

I am recently separated with 60/40 time with the kids. I'm in the marital home and can't afford to stay here without financial support from my mother. If she does invest in this house, then there's a spare bedroom and Reception room she can use if she reached a point of not wanting to be on her own.

Otherwise, she gifts me less and I buy a smaller property but with space for an annex.

It's all such a new discussion, but I'm glad we're being honest with each other now about the realities of when she older. It would only be me able to help, my brother is in another country.

Any advice on where to start? And experiences of having your mother/ father come and live with you?

Feeling more like an adult by the minute here!

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 15/04/2021 12:06

I'd go to a solicitor regarding the house.

Original poster
Febo24 · 15/04/2021 13:11

Thank you, and definitely - we'd need it all to be iron clad and every one aware of risks and benefits. I have a fantastic mortgage advisor too.

OP posts:
thesandwich · 15/04/2021 18:14

You need advice about deprivation of assets if your dm needs care in the future.
Also, look at power of attourney. Age uk have a lot of info.

Original poster
Febo24 · 15/04/2021 20:03

Ah thanks. She's talking about sorting PoA now as it was too late for her with her late husband. I'll check out AgeUk.

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 16/04/2021 09:19

If she does give you POA talk to her about getting both Health and Financial. The Health one was invaluable when my DF became ill.

Original poster
Febo24 · 16/04/2021 10:22

Thanks - is this so that I can talk to her Dr's etc?

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 16/04/2021 10:23

Some financial advisors specialise in planning for later life. You need one that isn't just focused on maximising investments but will also discuss options more generally, including things like granny annexes.

BunnyRuddington · 16/04/2021 10:46

Thanks - is this so that I can talk to her Dr's etc?. Exactly that, yes.

Should she have any kind of medical investigation or assessment for anything like Dementia or Cancer, it’s not uncommon for older people to say that they don’t want to know the result or to not ask any questions at all. If you had POA for health, they can give you that information and you can ask questions, which would help you plan and advocate for her best interests.

When my DF was diagnosed with terminal cancer and had rather useless GPs, we were able to push for a a place in a Hospice, which is what he wanted and support at home until he got that place.

There is some information on POA on the Age Concern site

Justlovedogs · 16/04/2021 11:05

Can't advise on the rest, but Power of Attorney is a must, set up sooner rather than later. You don't have to use it until necessary, but just having it there is handy. My DSis set up LPA for our DM on line though the Government websites, I think. You don't have to get a solicitor involved if you're comfortable following the instructions. Do financial and medical. We didn't have it for our DF (learnt our lesson there) but it made life a lot simpler for DM since my sister and I could handle all her dealings with banks, utilities, housing association, etc. on her behalf.

Justlovedogs · 16/04/2021 11:07

Oh, harder conversation to have but really handy to understand her resuscitation wishes. Makes conversations with doctors later on a little easier.

BunnyRuddington · 16/04/2021 11:12

Oh, harder conversation to have but really handy to understand her resuscitation wishes. Makes conversations with doctors later on a little easier.

You’re right, that is a difficult conversation. So far I’ve had to decide on 2 close relatives. Luckily my DM has always been very clear that she does not want resuscitation. Having to decide fir someone else is not ideal.

ladyinacampervan · 16/04/2021 22:42

It won't be deprivation if she invests and lives in the house with you. She's allowed to spend her money on whatever she likes that's reasonable and this is reasonable. In fact she can buy a yacht if she wants as long as when she buys it she doesn't have care needs already.

Just make sure that you are tenants in common and she wills her half/percentage of the house to you.

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