Will a cleaner help with this or am I looking for something else?

[Wroxie]

In spite of being able-bodied at 75 -able to go on walks, and able (and willing!) to work in her garden, my elderly aunt, who lives 2 hours away from us, has stopped cleaning her house. Christmas was the first time we'd seen her since Corona started (she doesn't have any other family at all) and it was in such a state we spent the entire day from early morning to late night cleaning. She's never been what I would call hygienic but it was at least fit for human habitation before this point. We put it down to Covid and being lonely and anxious and the fact that her long-term partner (who never lived with her) had passed away a couple of months earlier. We had a heart-to-heart and she said she had been depressed but that seeing the house clean made her feel much better and she would stay on top of it.

Cut to Monday, we drive up for a visit in the garden. We have to walk through the house to get to said garden and a piece of cake we brought at Christmas four months ago (identifiable by a specific kind of frosting decor) was still on the floor next to the kitchen door where she dropped it. Not under something or behind something or off to the side but in the middle of the floor by the kitchen door where she will have stepped over it for four months. I tried to use the toilet while we were there but it was so horrific I had to clean it first - there was literally shit and dried out toilet roll trailed along the side of the toilet and on the floor where she had unblocked the toilet with the toilet brush and just slopped it back in the holder. Weirdly, her shower, bedroom, and person are clean and she still does laundry and irons. But that's it.

We are her only family (partner and I) and obviously this can't go on. We can pay for whatever is needed, are there cleaners who would come twice a week and deal with someone who literally will not clean their own shit off the bathroom floor? We are ALSO going to look into the obvious mental health issues or potential dementia or whatever that is behind this but that won't be quick and I just want someone to keep things less of a bio-hazard while we try to figure it out. I think she would be more than happy to 'have a cleaner' as she has always fancied herself as temporarily embarrassed landed gentry (subscribes to The Lady, calls the lad who cuts her grass twice a month 'the gardener', that sort of thing).

I have sent you a PM op

I think that it would be best if you could do another day getting it decent again so the cleaner isn’t starting from a disaster and then get a cleaner in for their first shift three days later who’ll come in perhaps twice a week. I think a lot of cleaners are capable of dealing with messy houses, just having someone in to hoover, mop dust etc twice a week should keep it under control.

It depends on the cleaner - a bog standard agency, no. Someone who works for themselves, maybe a bit older, and is more flexible then you have a good chance. My parents had a cleaner for years who would chivvy them into a bit of cleaning themselves, get mum to 'help' make the bed, ensure appropriate things went in the wash, and stopped food hoarding in the fridge. My old cleaner also had a few clients like this.
It can be hard to find this sort of person as they rarely need to advertise, its word of mouth. Does your aunt go to church, WI, that sort of thing? Locally to me the vicar knows everything that is going on!

Many care agencies will also supply home helps, this would probably be the best option but you might be able to to find a local independent cleaner who is able to do this and keep a low key eye on her. We have someone who changes the bedding, does washing etc

Poor eyesight may be coming into play too. Is she getting her eyes regularly tested? Is she complaining about the lights not being bright enough?

I found DM someone via the local community Facebook, who comes fortnightly to help out. She has a cleaner alternate weeks too. Every week she sees someone who either cleans or helps with tidying a cupboard, changing a light bulb, stripping the bed etc. I think all three women appreciate the company, to be honest. She also has a weekly gardener who'll put up a shelf or fix a curtain.

It's been really helpful to have regular visits so she sees people and has someone to notice if there's a problem. It's all very informal, but very helpful.

Yes a cleaner would to that. The key here is to interview them yourself , to explain what you're expecting, as you don't want a cleaner that does a general job dusting over surfaces but misses the deeper clean jobs of dirty toilet and scrubbing up patches of food on floor.

You'll need one that is prepared to put elbow grease into it and get to know your aunt. There are plenty of good cleaners out there, either in cleaning agencies or local ones word of mouth from local neighbours fb page for that area.

I'd start with asking on her local neighbours fb page, if they can recommend any cleaners

Also take up references before they start.