Any tips for dealing with lonely parent.

[Imtoooldforallthis]

Just that really, mum is 83, has dementia but still lives alone and cares for herself. She is gradually getting worse but for the time being is fine at home. Except she is really lonely. She only has me, I call to see her every day but only for half an hour. Usually take her out on a weekend for a couple of hours and she has a meal with us once a week. I can't do much more. Whenever I see her she is depressed and in tears usually because she can't get her words out or can't remember stuff. She needs company but all the visiting schemes are not doing home visits. Has anyone any suggestions?

If she owns her own home she doesn't need money. She just sells her home, as obviously she wouldn't need it anymore.
What does she spend her attendance allowance on?

She doesn't have a greenhouse but she does have a huge shed. She doesn't own her own home.

Does she have a pendant alarm for security?
Could she have some planters etc to care for?

I listened to a podcast with Esther Rantzen today, based on her suggestions would Age UK or Silverline be of any use?

How big is her house? There are schemes where a young person lives there for a low rent in return for a set number of hours of help and companionship?

Your DM sounds quite like my mother was. Mum was further on with vascular dementia and went downhill very quickly all of a sudden. Nobody could pretend it wasn't happening any more. Dad couldn't cope with her at home and we didn't think 4 carer visits a day would work well (she was falling a lot and with her osteoporosis something often broke but she'd try and ignore it so had become a danger to herself) plus a few times tried to light the gas fire and singed her hair . If she fell (frequently) she couldn't get up and dad wasn't strong enough to help her, I had to go over. so we reluctantly decided a nursing home would be the best option for both her and dad. For someone who had never bothered with groups of any kind, she astonished us with how much she enjoyed the entertainment and activities the home laid on for their residents. She actually improved after she went in without the daily struggle of having to act "normal" any more and help with all personal care laid on. My brother was dead against this move but soon changed his mind when he saw how much better all round she was in that environment. On the day she died, the staff coming off shift were coming in to say goodbye to her.

So if you can find something like a daycare setting, it might work out quite well.

It's so difficult. My mum went through very similar. She accepted a daily Carer eventually, just an hour a day. She was really nice and mainly played cards and easy games with her, which really cheered my mum up (the Carer kindly often let her win ). Oh and she spent time with her outside too, which also cheered my mum up. She couldn't concentrate on TV any more, or read like she used to, so she was really lonely and lacking in company, even though I was there a few times a week. I think it's a frightening time.

I think you said she gets attendance allowance? That pays for a couple of hours care a day.

You might find she becomes unable to look after herself soon though. I've seen people deteriorate very quickly with dementia, so maybe also start looking at nice care homes with a garden.,

@beewonderful what a wonderful idea!

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that's posted, lots for me to think about. As I previously said she is physically managing just about. I think gardening, cutting her lawns and cleaning are the only things keeping her going. If I took that away from her she would truly have nothing left. It really is the lack of someone to talk to that gets her down, and that's the hardest thing for me to help with as it's soul destroying trying to have a conversation with her I think that's why not many of her neighbours call round as she constantly repeats herself. I am going to look into local day care see if there is anything on that can attend.

It's so hard. AgeUk have befriending volunteers who work by phone atm but will go back to f2f soon. Care companies will provide companion-care- have a look locally- two visits a week would structure her days a bit.