Distraught mother - any suggestions

[BlueBell50]

My DM, aged 92, is distraught every day about the death of my DF who died 20 years ago. Every night she is sobbing asking why did he leave me. She has a narrative of his last night that is not right (in short she thinks hospital killed him) and really did not happen. Also in the mix is the loss of my young child many years ago. She is exhausting herself and, to be honest, me, with all the crying. I feel so sorry for her and cry too but I just don’t know what to say or do. I try to distract her but it doesn’t work. Any suggestions gratefully received on how to cope myself and help her. I feel guilty I’m so exhausted with it all.

She needs to see her GP.

Does she have dementia or is de otherwise rational except for this issue?. If she has the capacity to benefit from counselling then that could be a great help.

I can think of half a dozen possible scenarios that might be what is going on. Figuring out what she actually needs, and why her present behaviour is currently the best way she can think of to get that need met, and whether there is a more positive and less distressing way to meet that need, isn't something that can be done on the basis of the limited info in the op. However, the truth about what exactly happened all those years ago is less important than the reality of what your mum is going through now, and what you are going through as you support her through it.