FIL and house for his partner

[bytheby]

Hi, sorry if this is long... My husband is very distressed and I am seeking your collective wisdom. It is all a bit depressing but here goes.

My FIL has spent the last few months in hospital and it is now clear that he will need a lot of care when he leaves. He initially went in for a broken leg but they would not release him until he was detoxed from alcohol and they had confidence that an adequate care package was in place.

He is early seventies but has always been a serious alcoholic and is extremely weak, he reminds me of how my grandma was in her late nineties to give you a picture. There is nothing actually 'wrong' with him but he has lost bladder control, too weak to walk anywhere unassisted and is starting to show signs of confusion and memory loss.

He owns a flat in his name only. He has not given anyone a POA (give me strength) and he is not married to his partner. His partner is lovely and has been caring for him but now fears that it is about to become too much for her (I agree totally with her assessment).

So - is she definitely going to have to lose the flat (her home) to pay for his care? My understanding is that this will leave her with nowhere to go. It has absolutely not been FIL's intention to leave her with nowhere to live (the flat goes to her in his will etc). Without her he has nothing.

She has been with him for over 20 years and put up with A LOT. He can be cruel, obviously the drinking and also he just watches TV all day so doesn't provide her with much of a 'relationship'.

We will seek a DR and lawyer immediately to see if he has capacity to sign a POA but I am worried it is too late.

Small amount of background on us so as not to drip feed. And sorry if this sounds blunt. FIL, in my opinion, has been no kind of father to my DH and has made practically zero effort since he was a small child. My DH still goes out of his way to be kind to FIL and feels terribly guilty and sad about all of this. Hopefully this helps explain why we haven't been pushing him to get a POA etc. Any discussion where I try to make DH feel better ends with 'but he is still my dad'.

Other than DH and the partner FIL has no one to support him. DH is an only child.

If his partner lives there (and in some other circumstances), his home shouldn’t be assessed as an asset to pay for care. What a difficult situation for all

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/means-tests-for-help-with-care-costs-how-they-work/amp

Does he have alcohol induced dementia or alcohol brain disease. Does he plan to go home or into a carehome. He needs a capacity assessment to determine if he understands what care he needs and if he agrees to accepting help and he needs a full care needs assessment to see what help he needs. Someone needs to talk to the hospital social worker and discharge team to see what the plans are and what his likely prognosis will be, it sounds very difficult.

can they get married? I know that may seem daft, but its not as if they have been together just 5 mins. there are inheritance benefits to this too, and as she doesnt have POA then she wont get a say in his care, nor be able to help with his finances

Roughly how much is the flat worth? He might not necessarily have to pay for care if it's not high value. Getting married would probably be easier and quicker than sorting out a POA.

If he lacks capacity then he cannot get married

@DogsSausages

If he lacks capacity then he cannot get married

OP doesnt say he has lost capacity. If I recall there was a case where a man with dementia married someone he had barely known, and children with POA who subsequently lost all inheritance challenged the will

Capacity was deemed to be OK because the man knew what 'being married' meant, so was seen to have had the capacity to make the choice. It can vary too - so he may have capacity in some areas and not others.

for example my FIL was deemed to have capacity to make choices as to whether he came home or not from rehab, with a dementia diagnosis and quite bad short term memory problems, but was not deemed to have capacity for handling his finances, nor for remembering if and when he took his medication. He has since asked 2 catrers to marry him (thankfully they said no) but he knows what being married means and if he were to do so, it would be unlikely that it could be overturned.

NettleTea, OP does say that she is worried it may be too late

In these circumstances they will be treated as if they are married even if they are not. She will be able to stay in the property and it won't be considered in his financial assessment whilst she lives there.

However if his partner ever moves out then the whole value of his flat will then be taken into account.

That's interesting, is it because she is his carer that she will be able to stay. Does she have to prove any financial or caring input.

@DogsSausages

That's interesting, is it because she is his carer that she will be able to stay. Does she have to prove any financial or caring input.

Nope it's because it's recognised that the prospect of making another household member homeless if someone has to move into a care home may prevent people from seeking help when they need it etc and that making people homeless to avoid the state paying care fees for someone else is never going to be a good look for the state.

It could also apply to two siblings living together, same sex couples that weren't married/civil partnered and in some circumstances would also include any adult children of the person that lived there if that was the child's only/main residence e.g. if they had never left their parents home due to disability.