Share your stories of elderly parents with dementia and how having Covid affected them?

[loveyouradvice]

I'm feeling a bit shell shocked.

I saw Mum for the first time since November yesterday and she didnt know who I was, even when I was sitting with her holding her hand. Looked around and said "where is my daughter" in response to something one of the carers said. Also told me clearly that she didnt have a bedroom there and when I spoke about other things, didnt have any memory of anything.

She had Covid just five weeks ago - seemingly mild, delirium and extreme tiredness. And has recovered physically brilliantly.

This is a huge deterioration since November. Mammoth.

Wondering how other people's parents with dementia who have had Covid have been affected?

Do you think there is anything I can do? Might it improve?

Unfortunatly, it didn't go well for my mum. But over the course of her dementia, every time she was ill or had surgery she did have massive downturns, and she might get a little bit back but it was almost like her brain had been hanging onto bits by its fingernails and each illness was the final straw for those brain cells.
Apart from the home making sure your mum is getting enough fluids and doesn't have a urine infection, there isn't a lot that can be done I'm afraid.
I found the bit where mum didn't know me or that I was her daughter very, very hard. But for her sake, once it had gone I didn't bring it up and would just greet her by her name which didn't upset her, and she'd chat like I was someone random who had popped in

I've just replied on your other thread about the photo album but thought I would write a little more here about Covid.

DM was admitted with delirium thought to be caused by severe constipation. However, she then tested positive for Covid and I was told that delirium is in the top 3 of symptoms in the elderly. Fortunately she had no further symptoms and remained relatively well. She is now in respite care as the hospital said she was not well enough to go home and I agreed. It's like her dementia which was fairly mild has suddenly gone up a couple of gears. She keeps talking about her mum and dad and asking for them. I saw her today and she is so frail, we had a lovely chat and she was fairly lucid but a contrast to last weekend when she was not in a good way. She also claimed she did not have a bedroom and had to sleep in the lounge.

Do you think it might be because the lack of visits has put you out of her mind? Maybe she remembers you as a child now, it is common with dementia for people to regress in time. The adult in front of her may not be who she is thinking of her when people mention her daughter. I would keep visiting as much as you can and maybe get the carers to talk about you as much as they can. It must be so hard for you having her not recognise you, I do hope things improve a little.

It's been beyond hard for my parents. The parent with dementia has got so much worse and cannot understand why they can't go out, it's been utterly confusing for them and has included a hospital stay at the height of the pandemic to which nothing was resolved and due to high numbers in hospital was neglected and became so much worse. The parent who is the carer is almost ill with having the who situation on their shoulders.
This has affected people without dementia, young children from safe and loving homes, so of course will massively affect vulnerable people more. But I can't help but be glad that we're not in a third world country. I still just think, despite the masses of tears shed over my patent that were still so lucky.

To be honest it may well not be covid. My father had alzheimer's and his deterioration always came in big step changes. He went from talking to not between visits a week apart but then remained stable for 6 months. And so on.

It's a hard slog and the best advice I can give is to take it a visit at a time and just deal with what you find.

We were lucky and had incredible staff in his care home.

onthepiste good to hear from you again ...

helpful thank you

We too are lucky with extraordinarily lovely carers in her home ... I literally burst into tears as I left yesterday and one of them rang today to check how I was and talk a little about it.....

I think I just need to adjust to the shock... I was expecting this but not for a year or two... and then I will be strong again... There is so much to treasure. She is well looked after and open to talking even if she doesn't know who I am

Back on Monday, and will find it easier knowing what to expect and gently building on it each time....

So sorry.
My mum seemed to take a big dip after covid last year. But her dementia is very advanced so it's hard to know whether her health would have deteriorated in this way anyway.

My father doesn't seem to have been affected mentally by Covid. Although he lives in a fantasy world most of the time, he watches the news and seems to understand Covid, that we're not allowed to visit. He's strict on hygiene and is giving the carers hell, and even though he can't put it on properly, he has asked for a mask which he wears every time he leaves his room. He's continuing to decline, but from his phone calls to me (visits still aren't allowed) he doesn't seem to be declining any faster than he was before Covid. The more severely affected residents are finding it hard to understand the cessation of visiting.

So I would suspect that what is happening to your mother has more to do with the lockdown than with Covid itself.

It is hard the first time they don't know you, you will remember that moment for ever. All the other similar moments that follow - not so much. I never know who mum thinks I am on any given day, I didn't realise I was the carer today until later when she rang me, her daughter. Fortunately she has not yet complained to me about me.

I see her every day, it's not as if she's had an absence to forget me in. She is a different person to who she was in November, nothing to do with Covid, nothing to do with not seeing me, everything to do with dementia.

Thank you all... it was the shock Knota, you are so right - the first time she didnt know me and I was totally unprepared.

Going back in yesterday, with photos and having written on them people's names and relationships, we had a very lovely time together ... and there was even one thing she asked about my brother which couldn't have been linked to anything I said.

I'm just going to go with the flow and where possible going to go in more than once a week - the home are lovely, and are letting me know when there are extra slots, as they want to make sure everyone has the opportunity of a visit a week and its a lot of work for them making it all flow smoothly

I'm going to be gently optimistic and enjoy what we have - hope that she will improve, while recognising she may not and the time we have together now is so precious

That's good you had a better visit.

It is hard the first time they don't know you, you will remember that moment for ever. My father told me about the lady who'd picked him up in the street on his way to the supermarket and taken him there. That lady was me. Quite a surreal moment. That was four years ago, and he hasn't failed to recognise me since. I think you'll find it's a very up and down process. Sometimes we have quite lucid phone calls from him, sometimes he's in a Cold War fantasy. It's not a continuous decline, even though the overall trend is downwards.