WWYD? Relatives bullying over uncle's money

[Iamnotavicar]

I'm caught in a dilemma. I have LPOAs (health and finance) for my uncle who has a lot of care needs and is likely to soon go into a care home on a permanent basis. I am also the executor of his will. I will not inherit anything from his estate, as everything will go to his offspring. He has mental capacity but is unwell, is frail, and will do anything for a quiet life.
The offspring are bullying him to rescind the LPOAs from me, they want to sell his house and (we both think) they will pocket the money. They are spreading rumours about me to other family members and friends, and trying to persuade others to persuade me to give up my role.
I am very tempted to walk away and let them get on with it, as it's very unpleasant. Financially it makes no difference to me, I agreed to do it because my uncle was very encouraging and supportive to me when I was younger and I see this as my chance to return that support.
Although their poor behaviour was anticipated and was something me and my uncle talked about a few years ago, he was clear at the time that he didn't trust their motives and didn't want them to act on his behalf.

but I didn't expect them to be quite so awful about it. They've supplied him with a mobile phone and are ringing him daily to put the pressure on. And he's elderly and finding it all quite traumatic, and so am I (2nd and 3rd hand messages, shouty phone calls etc). They are demanding all his paperwork, including access to bank accounts, to see the will etc, so far I've refused.

I don't want to get into a debate about paying for care homes, as that's beyond my control and won't change this particular situation. My uncle still has mental capacity so can make his own decisions for health and welfare, whilst I already have access to his bank accounts etc for finances. What else can I do to protect my uncle?

I'd start by taking away the phone they use to hassle him - let the battery run down or let it break?

Then document the harassment

Make a safeguarding referral saying you are worried about bullying and financial abuse (local council website will have info, it’s very simple). Consider reporting to the police. Keep a diary of every call and interaction.

If the house is in his name, even if they have LPA and sell it when he’s in a home the money will be his - if they try to hide it it will be theft; if they try to say he gave it to them it would be deprivation of assets which is also illegal.

This article explains the issue with him giving his house (or the sale proceeds) to his children:

www.saplaw.co.uk/37-about-us/345-care-home-fees-take-care-when-gifting-assets

Thanks. I can't keep an accurate record of the calls (frequency or content) because he's 150 miles away from where I live.
I will contact the council about safeguarding concerns though

All I am hearing these days is problems with wills and families. I hope nobody ever leaves me anything I just couldn't be bothered with the nastiness of it all

I agree taking away the phone is the first step. As well as documenting the harassment. Dose he actually want contact with them? If not then could you get a restraining order?

Anyone who contacts you, you need to tell them it’s none of their business and unless they stop you will also report them for harassment.

I understand why you would want to walk away but you sound like you knew this was going to happen. He obviously knew exactly what his offspring are like which is why he has trusted you.

Maybe call age concern and see if they can give you some advice as I’m sure they come across these things all the time.

The offspring aren't appointed as other attorneys, so they can't easily pick up his financial affairs even I walked away (or that's my understanding)
The mobile phone was supplied in an underhand way and my uncle doesn't know the number, and they won't give me the number either. He's currently in a temporary care home, so I can't easily speak to him or visit due to the distance involved and Covid visiting restrictions.
It's all very difficult and distressing, all the offspring talk about is the will, even though they've been told about the contents.

Advise him to get rid of the phone or disable it (or remove the batteries), or block the numbers.

Start documenting whatever you can - you can't keep a diary of the phone calls, but you can keep a diary of what he tells you. And a diary of any direct approaches to you.

The LPA document (which you must have a copy of in order to be able to manage his financial affairs) will tell you about any reserve attorneys.

I wonder if it would be worth seeking advice from the Office of Public Guardian. If you look on the page "Report a concern about an attorney..." they have a safeguarding unit.
www.gov.uk/report-concern-about-attorney-deputy-guardian
Might be worth doing to pre-empt any report they may make about you, but hopefully they won't know that they can make a report, since the general public's awareness of LPAs is pretty low.

If he does move into a care home, you may have to talk to the management of the care home about their support in restricting phone access, if that is your uncle's wish.

You're not the only one to have faced this problem
forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/my-sister-has-threatened-me-over-power-of-attorney.100175/page-3

Thanks ever so much everyone.
MereDinto - I will also contact the OPG. Me and my husband are the only 2 attorneys afaik. Relatives' behaviour so far sort of proves the point about why LPOA is needed!

@Iamnotavicar

The offspring aren't appointed as other attorneys, so they can't easily pick up his financial affairs even I walked away (or that's my understanding) The mobile phone was supplied in an underhand way and my uncle doesn't know the number, and they won't give me the number either. He's currently in a temporary care home, so I can't easily speak to him or visit due to the distance involved and Covid visiting restrictions. It's all very difficult and distressing, all the offspring talk about is the will, even though they've been told about the contents.

Speak to the care home, if you have LPOA they will talk to you so for a start I'd ask them to find out the phone number.

Has he been placed in the home by the local authority or the NHS? Has he got a social worker? It sounds like abuse so report them.

I have LPOA for an elderly relative, I will inherit a share of anything left but so will various other people who don't visit, don't make any effort at all. I'm happily paying out of her money for her to be in a really good home, nearly £7k a month. Her DOLS assessment has been done, she is well looked after and they can moan as much as they like about their inheritance being spent, it's her money and is being used for her benefit.

If he calls you from the phone then you will have the number. He must be charging the phone daily for it to work. Are you sure he doesn't want the phone as it would be very easy for him to take control by just not charging it.

He was put into the home by the nhs following discharge from hospital. He's a bit scared by the offspring - which is one of the reasons why I've got the LPOA. When we set it up a few years ago he deliberately didn't want them involved, but now he's older and more vulnerable, he's been wobbling about it.
Since the last update I've written to the social worker and shared my concerns with the home. The latter are a bit non-committal but I suspect they are being pestered by the offspring too and don't want to get actively involved.
Good points about the phone, but whether he's brave enough to not charge it is another matter.

The offspring have been in touch with a 3rd party today, seeing if they can get hold of the will