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Elderly parents

24 hour care - at home or care home?

9 replies

AChickenCalledDaal · 05/02/2021 08:55

My 85yo Dad is currently in hospital recovering from a broken hip, which has been compounded by a spell of delirium and contracting Covid. He also has Parkinsons, which is normally quite well managed. I'm told he's beginning to improve and they are talking in terms of discharge in a week or so, with 24 hour care in place.

We are going to be asked to decide between a spell in a care home or live-in care at home. Home is a small one bedroom flat in a sheltered housing complex. I'm struggling to visualise how live-in care would work. Clearly there is nowhere for a carer to sleep. So it would have to be two shifts and I guess the night time carer would occupy the living room while he sleeps.

I feel dad would probably say he wants to be at home, but I'm reality may be really uncomfortable with someone sitting among all his personal stuff while he's asleep. He's quite neurotic about things like strangers rifling through his financial paperwork.

I also have no handle on the relative costs and how much I would still need to take responsibility for in either scenario. Before his fall I was doing a weekly shop, handling paperwork and generally keeping him company at least a couple of times a week. But not doing any personal care.

Experience and tips would be very welcome.

OP posts:
flygirl767 · 05/02/2021 15:57

Following with interest, as you know from my thread I am in a similar situation!

The only thing with the live in care is how it would be paid for? Most Local authorities will not fund 24 hour care and only a care home. If your dad id self funding, then it is very costly and as he will be living in his flat, you can't use rent or proceeds from selling it to pay for the care.

thesandwich · 05/02/2021 16:18

Is rehab or going into a Care home for a temporary stay an option?
Just because he is discharged does not mean he will not be improve further- a nursing of care home with some rehab physio may help.
Could that buy you some time to review options? Adult social services should help or discharge team at the hospital. It will take a while to set up.

AChickenCalledDaal · 05/02/2021 17:26

Looks like things are moving fast. He's been moved to a different ward, with a different OT, who is quite firmly recommending a care home placement for rehabilitation. She wasn't keen on live-in carers as an alternative - he needs two people to help him stand and is doubly incontinent at night (which I didn't know).

Crucially, she had also managed to discuss this with him and he's told her he's OK with a care home placement. So I feel less like it's all on my shoulders and it looks like that's where we are heading.

(He did say he wanted it to be in a city at the other end of the country, where he no longer lives, but that's a whole different issue!!)

OP posts:
thesandwich · 05/02/2021 18:01

That sounds positive for now.
Great that the OT is being proactive

BunnyRuddington · 06/02/2021 08:42

(He did say he wanted it to be in a city at the other end of the country, where he no longer lives, but that's a whole different issue!!)

We have very similar with DMIL. She wants to go and live in her childhood town but what she really wants is the sense of familiarly from the people and places from her childhood. She has no comprehension that if she were to go there, those things should no longer be there for her.

AChickenCalledDaal · 06/02/2021 12:52

Yes, I think that's it Bunny. He only moved a year ago, to be closer to us. It's actually been pretty successful and he's settled better than I thought he would. But when he gets fed up, he reverts to "I shouldn't have moved" and there have been many times during lockdown when I've had to point out that if he'd stayed where he was, he also would not have been seeing his friends, playing golf or popping round the corner for a nice cup of coffee!

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FinallyHere · 06/02/2021 17:35

DM had live in care. It was only when they raised that 24hr care was required that DM went for a short respite stay in the local nursing / care home. It was immediately obvious that that was the right place for her.

It also meant that my DSis who lived close no longer had the day to day burden of arranging medical appointments, medicines and everything else.

It's a difficult time all round. The OT sounds brilliant. Hope it all goes well for you.

AChickenCalledDaal · 19/02/2021 15:23

Quick update - Dad finally being discharged tomorrow, to a nursing home which is about a 5 min drive from our house. Through our church, I know a couple of ladies whose husbands were in the same home until they died last year. Their reports seem positive, and it's funded for a six week assessment period so we can see if he improves or if a permanent placement is needed. Feels like some sort of progress at least.

OP posts:
Asdf12345 · 19/02/2021 15:28

My grandmother has two live in carers, and it’s considerably more expensive than a nursing home.

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