Worried about Dad moving to a care home.

[Galvantula]

I mean I was worried already, but the Covid restrictions are just making it feel more awful and scary. 😓

He'll obviously need a covid test, but the bit that is worrying me is that he'll have to isolate in his room for 2 weeks. Plus we can't take him in, he'll just have to go in himself at the door with the staff.

I know it's become too much for my mum to cope with and we've all agreed it's the right thing for them both, but I'm just feeling the guilt I guess.

He has dementia and has deteriorated massively over lockdown, he's anxious to get 'home'. They've been where they are for almost 10 years, but is not right to him.

If anyone has recent experience of moving into a care home and how it went or any advice I'd appreciate it, thanks

This does touch on a strange thing about care homes - most of the residents are women. In fact, in my late mother's first three or four care homes there were hardly any men there at all. What gives? Different life expectancy contributes. ONS stats: "There were more than 600,000 people aged 90 years and over in 2019, increasing by 3.6% compared with 2018, from 584,024 to 605,181."

"There were just over twice as many women as men aged 90 years and over in 2019."

Then average age at marriage is about 2 years greater for men than for women. So what candelabra saying about the protective effective of having a de facto live in carer applies too.

Think there may be a community effect too - neighbours are more likely to offer support to a very elderly man than to a very elderly woman.

Thanks MereDintofPandiculation (did I get that right?) that's very interesting.
I am afraid I have a savagely cynical view about care homes and the pandemic but it does make me wonder - esp with the current makeup of this Cabinet - whether there isn't some sexism at play to go along with the fact that the old are not economically viable, and this Govt has a ruthless attitude to any such people.
This admittedly runs counter to the whole 'Don't kill granny' blurb spouted about the crisis, as if granddads are of no comparative worth.

On behalf of my own gender, I should point out that I knew of many instances where the elderly husband would be making daily trips to the care home to tend to their wife.
I rarely saw the reverse apply, not least for the reason cited - v few male care home residents anyway. But if the men are older, and they don't have anyone looking in, I'm not altogether sure they'll go the distance.

it does make me wonder - esp with the current makeup of this Cabinet - whether there isn't some sexism at play Our society is inherently sexist - ageism is far more targeted at women than at men. "Little old woman" "granny" aren't presented as things to aspire to. Look about all the trouble the BBC has been having of the disappearance of women once they reach middle age. Would a 99 year old woman walking around her garden with a walking frame while recovering from a hip operation have garnered as much adoration as Captain Tom? Not detracting from what he did, just thinking that it wouldn't have taken off as it did had he not been a man.

This admittedly runs counter to the whole 'Don't kill granny' blurb spouted about the crisis, as if granddads are of no comparative worth Is this because there are so many more "grannies" (here probably defined as a woman of 80 plus and therefore more likely to be a great granny) - which may be behind some of the sexism - elderly men are saluted more because there are fewer of them.

Very interesting, MereDintofPandiculation - I wondered this too. Though I think it's maybe cart before the horse. Women are more in care homes, the elderly are not economically viable so the State declares war on them. It might well be the same if it were men in care homes.

Point 2 - do women continue to have 'worth' if they are mothers/ grandmothers, they ironically are seen to have more of a role to play whereas men, not working any more, are deemed to have less of a purpose? Or it may be the usual flip side of sexism - 'we love women, we'll hold the door open for them, they are lovely - ah but not of equal status of course', sort of patronising.

Yes, this Cabinet is quite lacking in diversity. It's the least diverse since when? It's also lacking in political diversity, because of Brexit. As I've said here or elsewhere, it models itself on a local authority - lacking in women generally, no vision to speak of, only in it for themselves and their corrupt mates, hates people generally but especially those who may be costing them money: the homeless (we'll buy you a one-way ticket out of town, don't come back), those on welfare, families who have kids with special needs (we'll drag you thru the law courts cos we're happier spending the money feathering the nests of our lawyer mates than on you), the elderly (Council's Safeguarding heads complicit in care home wrongdoing, go to war on unsuspecting families who raise concerns about care homes) and so on.

The Cabinet is like this, it was like that under Theresa May. She and her long-term ally Chris Grayling shared a local authority background (Merton Council, they were part of the so-called Wimbledon set).