Difficult to be brief but will try.
DPs in late 70s ~divorced about 8 years ago.
DF moved to be near us. Functioning alcoholic {we thought}. Financially no concerns ~bought property outright and we decorated before he moved in.
First year was good ~family support and new hobbies and interests. Drinking ++
Then stopped me visiting ~came to us every week for dinner etc but not allowed to visit him at home.
After years {!} of this I finally pushed my way in {after 2 sets of his neighbours visited me to say there were issues with his property}
Living in squalor, rat infested, no hot water for 2 years.
No explanation or real concern but did want me to help sort things out.
Took 2 weeks unpaid leave to clean and tunnel into kitchen.
Relieved I had intervened.
Lockdown ~vulnerable. Did all of his shopping, rubbish removal etc for months. Alcohol ran out while we were on holiday. Had massive withdrawal collapsed and police broke in after 72 hours {nearly died}
Smashed femur and 6 weeks hospital and rehab.
Discharged to my home 4 months ago. Essentially behaving as if he is at an all inclusive hotel. Only sits with us as a family when we call him for food, continues to use a commode when he doesn't need to and I empty this.
Doesn't initiate anything unless told |washing, changing pants, getting himself a drink nothing.
Articulate, fully able to make all decisions but actually happy to be waited on.
Walking indeptly, no aids but not been outside once in 4 months. Just csn:t be bothered.
Not depressed and has not even wanted to go home for even an hour.
Is shocked if I suggest that he maybe does a bit more for himself.
I am parenting a competent adult who takes no responsibility and doesn't want to make any plans to leave.
I am finding his attitude to all this and absolute passivity really challenging.
This may also be linked to the fact that he was a present but largely absent father growing up.