Hi - briefly my mum is bedbound in a hospital bed in my parents’ front room and I moved in to look after her a fortnight ago when my dad went into hospital after a fall due to his dodgy hip, breaking his shoulder. He came home last Tuesday also to a hospital bed in their front room and I was asked by the dr to stay and supervise 24/7 to ensure he didn’t try and get up to see to my mum - I got a baby monitor for this and sleep in their room. He had hallucinations from tramadol 2 nights so I was up a lot with him, and my mum realised she just had to shout and I’ll appear. My mum had 3x a day carers but my dad did everything bar wash/dress her including using this bloody she wee when she needs the loo, although she wears pads, to the point he was getting up 3x a night for this. She didn’t get me up for this until my dad came home but it’s increasing and it was 5x last night. I know I’m not being very empathetic to someone stuck in bed needing the loo - though sometimes she doesn’t or has already gone - but I despise the she wee and the difficulty of using it anyway, but at night I’m getting totally fed up. I think because I am due back at work tomorrow after a fortnight’s emergency and annual leave to help out and am wondering how I can do it - I can’t afford not to work, or even cut hours. The day is pretty full on between 7 am and 10 pm anyway with maybe a clear hour only once but add in the nights and I’m just getting very tired and fed up and worried about the future getting even tired etc and probably very cross.
My dad expected to come home and continue as he was, his whole life is making sure my mum is ok and happy - he physically can’t now, and shouldn’t in future due to fall risk and tiredness but if I left, or just didn’t get up, he would certainly try or be very distressed failing. My dad is 90 but pretty much all there, I think my mum must have some dementia but she is fairly compos mentis a lot of the time so they will certainly know if I’m not on top of this and look happy to help.
There’s a lot going on, but mainly I’d like advice on how to not get resentful getting up in the night - if I could just get some solid sleep and space over night I think I’d find this easier, but that’s not going to happen so anything I can do to chill out over it is needed - this full on care is new to me and I just need advice on getting it right for my parents.
To be clear they wouldn’t have carers in extra as they hate them coming at all and my Dad is so worried on cost, plus he’s unhappy others doing it at all rather than him. Anyway carers don’t and won’t use a she wee as care plan states pads.