Solution for elderly couple to stay together

[Squaddielife]

My uncle has had 2 strokes in the last 7 years. Speech all but gone & getting weaker in the legs now (also doubly incontinent).

My aunt is his 24/7 carer. Both in their 80s. Aunt fell & broke her pelvis some 18 months ago. Hasnt been the same since.

Life is becoming increasing harder for them to manage home alone independently. They used to have help come in once a day but that stopped when covid hit.

I fear that the time will soon come for some hard decisions to be made and I wondered what the options were for them to be able to stay together?

Somewhere where they will have their own space but help on hand should they need it. Does this exist? They also have a dog which honestly keeps them both going so he'd have to be part of the deal too.

A live in carer is one solution of there is room and they are willing. Also is the house is suitable for them as they become more frail.

Abbeyfield offer flats with their own kitchenette, plus employees, shared space/gardens. Welcome couples.

My DM is in a retirement village with Care Packages available. You can rent or buy where she lives. Would that be an option?

I feel for you and your relies it’s such a tough time.
A live-in carer is generally cheaper than dual residential care but you have to have the space to give the Carers their own bedroom. I’d recommend Home Instead if they operate in your area.
If you go down the residential care route I’d suggest you look at a place which can manage the whole journey from independent living to end of life care, eg sunrise senior living or similar.
None of the big companies are as good as they say but individually some homes are much better than others. Dogs are welcome at some.
Such a tough time and I wish you luck. Best advice I can give is to look to the possible future needs as well as the short term and get to know the local council team (‘community Independence Teams’ ) if you go down either route.

I’d recommend speaking to Age U.K. and adult social care to see what support and help is available to them. Definitely look into the live in care as suggested by a PP as well.

As long as they are safe alone together for a few hours at a time and overnight, they could have quite a lot more care at home eg up to 4 times a day, before having to think about moving.
If they need and still want the care it should not have stopped due to covid

Some options include independent living round a centre where care is on hand, and can be increased when needed. Local Age UK or local authority housing options department could be helpful.

www.extracare.org.uk/

If they can afford it and have space, then live in carer is great. Extra care housing is great for some with own flat, often communal meals, housework and laundry done and then a package of care to meet your needs. There is usually care in site so nighttime emergencies can be managed. As someone had already said though, you can get lots of help at home. Most countries have got meal deliveries ready to eat and some will leave a packed tea in the fridge.

Thanks for all your replies. Some really useful tips & information which I'll look into.

At the moment my aunt is self sufficient. The main problem is her caring for my uncle who is too heavy for her to lift if/when he falls.

Hes currently in hospital as he fell on boxing day. She called us and we got him up. Paramedics took him in and he's waiting a physio assessment.

They don't do well apart. Shes beside herself and he's confused due to the 2 previous strokes.

I was thinking of them finding somewhere self contained but with a call bell type service so if she needs help changing him (doubly incontinent) or if he gets wobbly again there's someone there quickly to help.

The house they're in now has no room for a live in carer. Plus she's such a proud strong Scottish woman that she wouldn't entertain tbe idea I'm guessing.

I've chatted about having the home help back (and increased) but the issue with that is she needs them when he needs the loo for example. She's more than capable of making his meals / tending the house and so on. Its the heavy work that can't be scheduled that she needs help with.

Sheltered housing? Do they live in Scotland? Do they they have an alert?

Not Scotland no. North West. No alert....whats that?

Its an alarm that links up to a call centre, once pressed it summons help.

The hospital should discharge your uncle with a care package, might be worth ensuring your aunt doesnt over exaggerate what support she can give your uncle - the more she says she can do the less help she will get.