Handhold please - grandma trapped in nursing home

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I feel like I'm trapped in a nightmare tbh, grateful for advice and support!

Situation is beloved grandma fell three weeks ago and broke her femur, surgical repair, significant blood loss, two weeks in hospital. Not too much communication about how she was doing, we rang constantly but it depended who you spoke to. She was medically stable but struggling with mobility. I don't think this was deconditioning following surgery, I think she'd been losing ground and strength and that's why she fell.
Cognitively I suspect she's hard to assess and presents as having capacity but has been losing short term memory for some time.
Quite sudden,y they announced she was being discharged to a nursing home for rehab. We haven't seen the home or her. She's been there a week. She is clearly not able to rehab, is now nursed in bed and on antibiotics for a chest infection but not too symptomatic.
We still can't see her and the home have said they allow end of life visits for 15 minutes.
I know they are trying to keep the home Covid free but bluntly I don't care about that. I care about a dearly loved person who is now being prevented from seeing her loved ones.
I think we need to push for care at home. The home have been asked by the care team to do a 72 hour diary of needs. I know nursing care can be provided at home but you have to fight because care in a home is cheaper but care without visits is not care. It's housing.
I anticipate we are moving towards a best interests meeting. What I would want is care at home to see how she gets on, if we can't manage (and she survives) then we could look at a care home once visits can happen? But I can't let her just fade away and die without seeing us again.

How did it ever come to this? I work in a hospital, we nurse people in PPE, Covid can be prevented , why are we accepting the seriously frail can't have any visitors at all. I just feel so desperate.

Sorry that's not clear, she's not deemed end of life, she seems stable. One of our options appears to be to wait for her to be end of life and then get 15 minute visits. Which is intolerable.

What legal powers did they discharge her under?

And how are they holding her there? Is DoLS (I think that's right) involved?

I know there's no dols because a capacity assessment was supposed to be done but hasn't been because she's now not medically fit. I suspect what's happened is she came in from home so met criteria for a discharge to assess pathway, they told her the plan, she said ok and then they told my mum as a fait accompli. I suspect the home is perhaps safer than hospital thinking Covid but it's problematic because we've no levers. Part of me wants to just turn up and spring her but without care support or an understanding of her needs I don't think we can manage. Without seeing her you don't know and we can't see her till it will be too late. It's a catch 22

I’m sorry, but until you’ve seen food go through a nursing home it doe majority suck you can’t see her. But the level of interaction most residents need is huge from the staff, so without wearing a spacesuit level of PPE for each patient every 5mins, if one gets it they all do. Sadly hip fractures usually mean a loss of function and independence.

Are you able to help with the care at home? Nursing home means round the clock care, but care at home will be 4 short calls a day for specifics like washing and dressing. Patients are then on their own and family are needed to do things like clothes washing and food shopping usually.
There is no good outcome or answer sadly due to covid

I do a bit of admin work in a care home, unless you can really give her 24/7 care I'd say she is probably better in the home. They have the training and the equipment and it would be hard for you to offer the same. I know it is hard but unless you know about moving and handling and such it is so easy to cause her pain. It will also be hard to get a care plan set up now, Christmas rotas will be done.

If she has capacity she will have agreed to go there to recover. You can not hold a best interest meeting for someone who has capacity.
I am going to presume you have a good relationship and that your Grandma would want contact. If this is the case there is absolutely no reason that you can't speak to her on the phone or organise a video call ( the carers can assist with this)
People often go to care home just to give them a bit longer to recover and discover what their baseline is. It absolutely doesn't have to be a permanent move and normally the goal is trying to get them to return home possibly with care support.
You can not 'remove' your grandmother as she is likely to have said she wants to stay there for the time being.
It's very very frustrating with covid restrictions and I hope that you manage to see her soon

Well if she isn’t detained under DoLS then she just needs to ask to be discharged and can be under your care. You can then apply for care visits at home and work out a suitable care package. It really isn’t the desperate situation you’re insinuating it is, unless I’m missing something?

Also agree with the PP - you cannot hold a best interests meeting for someone with capacity so you’re on the wrong track there

You have to consider how she feels as well, I wouldn't want my children or grandchildren doing personal care for me, I'd much rather have professionals doing it. I've told my kids that if/when the time comes I definitely don't want any of them wiping my backside.

I feel for you. I have just list my.mum while she was in a nursing home. There was no visiting apart from when they sneaked me in for her birthday a few weeks ago.

We had kept mum at her home with care for ages and it wasn't the right thing to do. The care she received at the home was amazing and i wish she had more time there.

Not being able to see her was heartbreaking and she died suddenly so i did not get to see her.

What i am saying is the last few months of my mums life was comfortable and she had lovely caring people around her. She was a difficult lady and caring for her at home was impossible and care consisted of three half hour visits a day. It was suboptimal to say the very least.

It is fucking dogshit not being able to see them, it literally broke my heart but i know it was necessary and mum died peacefully.

Of course your nan may be more compliant and that would make care at home easier but be prepared for zero support from social services and hcps they are stretched beyond limits and elderly people are not a priority.

Does she want to go home or is she comfortable in the home. Does anyone have poa and has she had a capacity assessment. Could she realistically live st home if she is now totally dependent and bedbound when she msy only het 4 half hour visits a day.

In reality they are not likely to do anything while she has a chest infection. Then they will work with physios to try to get her as mobile as possible before a discharge home - its a rehab place, not a care home, so they are likely to want to try to discharge her one way or the other- either back home if thats her wish, or onto a carehome if they think she cannot manage and she is in agreement.
My FIL is in the same boat - went to hospital 2 weeks ago with a UTI and dementia. He has just moved to rehab so as to give him the best chance to stay home for as long as possible - his wife did the same about 3 years ago and Id say that the rehab stay was the thing that had the biggest impact on her wellbeing and ability to manage.
The rehab will have close ties with adult social care - they will arrange and organise a suitable package, that will be revised after a trial period. Its actually one of the best ways of ensuring that she has ongoing care - if you whip her away without that it will be up to you to try to get that care in place, and believe me, thats not a job you want to do, as there will be no need for them to rush or provide, unlike an arrangement from social care at the hospital/rehab.

Rehab is short term. Its her best chance to get home to be honest. The physios are great and can seem to work miracles. Look at it as a short term separation in order to get her to be at home for the longest possible time, rather than the end of seeing her.