Not sure what help mum needs

[Imtoooldforallthis]

Mum is 80 with vascular dementia and copd. She lives alone with no help. I visit for half an hour every day, she is in dependant, cooks, cleans and shops for herself, and still does all her gardening herself. She is obviously getting worse and now uses a stick as she is a bit wobbly. I think she needs a bit of help, but not sure what. She occasionally has episodes where she doesn't no what time of day it is or where she is or what she's done that day, she has gone to bed at lunchtime and got up at 6 o clock thinking it's morning. But this only happens about once a week. I don't offer to do much for her as I feel it is good for her to keep going.

I know she is bored and lonely but she cannot cope with anything new and she is struggling to do anything she used to. Macula degeneration stops her reading, she cannot sew or knit due to problems with her hands.

Has anyone any suggestions as to how I can help her.

I'd book a phone consultation with her GP, OP. As her next of kin, you can and should do this. Book the phone consultation in your mum's name but make sure reception puts it in the notes that the phone call is with you, her daughter, along with your phone number (it sounds obvious, I know, but receptionists can get it a bit wrong. I was one for years!).

It's the NHS. Miracles won't happen but support can and should be put in place. I am not sure what steps her GP will take, but I imagine the district nurses will step in with home visits. Her GP will definitely guide you and help make life a bit safer for your mum and more reassuring for you.

Our doctors are fantastic, they always speak to me, I think the problem I'm struggling with it that she is hit and miss. She has regular appointments with dementia clinics, occupational health and physio. I think the reason I don't know what to do is that she is so up and down. I think it us her mental health she is struggling with I've tried audio books, alexa, ipad but she forgets how to use them or log on and then feels stupid and hates herself.

Can she still cope with radio?

She'll find it really hard to cope with any new technology, no matter how simple it seems. And eventually she'll start forgetting how to deal with technology that she used to know.

I don't know much about macular degeneration. Could she manage large print books? Or coffee-table type books of her main interests, just looking at pictures?

How is she financially? You could pay for someone to come in a couple of times a week just for a visit and a chat.

There's a music machine which you can pre-load with music and it automatically starts playing when you life the lid. That might be simple enough. But it costs about £100.

You could get her a "dementia clock" which shows time, day, date, whether it's morning/evening/afternoon. I think you may be able to get one which speaks, but I don't know

Either speak to her GP or Community Matron if she has one.

Someone should refer her to Adult Social Care and they can work out what an appropriate care plan should be for her and if she is entitled to any funding.

It could be that they could arrange for someone to come in the morning to help with breakfast. At that time they could put on Alexa to play for her during the day and then another care visit at night to her get ready for bed.

Good carers can really help her to be able to stay in her home and help to feel happier and take the load off of you.

She if financially OK, but couldnt afford daily carers. She has three dementia clocks around the house and couldn't manage without them. But when she has a really bad episode, even they don't make sense to her. I am going to look at a simple radio for her, see if she can manage with that.

The simple music player is great - I bought one for my parents, and when they passed it went to my colleagues parents who had stopped being able to cope with Alexa. They love it, and you just lift the flap to put the music (someone with a PC puts it on there) on, so no thought or speech required

Is she getting Attendance Allowance? It’s not means tested and can be used to pay for help.

Yes to getting attendance allowance not sure it's enough to pay for a daily carer. That music player looks good although I think she woukd prefer a radio of anyone has any recommendations.

One button radio - would this work?

I would say from personal experience, if she's used to being independent, ease her in with accepting help asap so that if and when she needs more, it's not such a big change. The gardening, shopping, cooking and cleaning are all easily outsourceable - look into getting a gardener to do the more 'heavy lifting' type tasks - mowing lawn etc weekly or fortnightly, she can still potter about as it suits her then. Shopping, could you do online orders for her, or look into a meals service, Wiltshire Farm Foods are often recommended on here? If her freezer is well stocked she can still cook for herself on 'good days,' but is used to having more ready meal easy options on the bad days? A cleaner is a good low pressure way of getting used to having someone in the house regularly - contact AgeUK who have a 'book' of vetted and properly employed cleaners who are used to dealing with the elderly, when my mum had them they were lovely and would stop for a little chat as well which was nice from a social point of view.

Also do get social services assessments in motion as soon as possible, she may not be at the stage of needing much personal care yet but LA care is means assessed, so she may not have to fund it all herself. Perhaps she would be eligible for a short daily or couple of times a week call from a carer who could just help her out with small tasks even just turning the radio on/off, generally be a bit of social contact and also keep an eye on her (has she taken her medication etc). That would be great and once it's in place and she's 'known' to them, care can be ramped up if necessary?