Technology for care home visits?

[miimblemomble]

Hello all

MIL is in a nursing home with dementia, osteoporosis and Parkinson’s. FIL and SIL live very near and they try to visit often, despite the COVID restrictions, and they try to include DH (we live in France and haven’t been able to visit).

They are mostly using facetime on phones / IPad, and it’s not working well. Only the nurse is allowed near MIL, she isn’t always there. MIL mumbles a lot, and is so hunched over she can only really squint to the side, she can’t look up or forward. SIL tried to point her phone camera at MIL but she’s at the far end of a table / conservatory, and is too far away to see / hear.

Can anyone recommend a tech set up that works for distanced care home visits? How willing are the homes / carers to help?

Thank you

We’ve limped along with this, too. I reckon the only way it would work would be if they brought a proper camera as per a mini tv news crew. .
The way visits are set up a FaceTime call only gives a ‘flavour’ and lets the sibling know their parent is alive. I agree everything is far away and inaudible. My DM has developed some additional regressive behaviour and never looks up. The actual visit is not a happy or reassuring experience I’m sad to say.
Things improved for us a little when a second activity co-ordinator was employed. She has created a private YouTube channel and posts videos once or twice a week featuring groups.
I did have a notion if we offered to pay for an extra hour of overtime for the activity co-ordinator and donated an unwanted iPad/ kindle the care home might do a lengthier and less stressful bespoke FaceTime call in her room.

I feel very conflicted about it tbh. On the one hand, if things were “normal”ie no COVID restrictions, DH would still only see his mum a couple of times a year when we visit: that’s one of the consequences of living far away. But because everybody is using zoom / FaceTime etc daily, this has unquestioningly spilled over into the family trying to involve DH in the meetings / visits - even when, as you say, they are frustrating and unproductive on the whole. Though the nurse did kindly walk around MILs room with the phone!

On the other hand, given the technology available and the fact that so many people do live far from their elderly relatives, couldn’t something be put in place by the homes that actually works? And which they actively support / offer? It’s a big ask, I know. And tbh maybe not worth it, it’s very hard to tell if MIL gets much from the visits.

Limping along is right!

DM is in a care home and we’ve seen her once since March in person and twice on FaceTime. She gets nothing from it as far as we can see, she can’t see us properly or hear us and we’re not convinced she understands Covid and the restrictions she and we are under. We send in regular treats via care staff and actually think it’s less distressing for her to not be constantly reminded of the outside she can’t access.

@Okbutnotgreat

I have no idea how MIL is after the attempted visits: how can anyone know how she feels about anything these days? But FIL would visit all the time if he could - it gives him something to do, and he feels it’s his duty - and he assumes DH and SIL feel the same. It wouldn’t cross his mind that MIL might not want to do this.

We’re never sent treats: what kind of things do you send?

@miimblemomble my apologies I’ve not been on MN much this week and missed your question. DMs care home are ok with anything in a sealed packet or a takeaway but won’t allow anything home made for some reason. We take up bits and pieces from M&S, nice biscuits, fresh fruit, sandwiches with fillings we know she likes, chocolate and anything else that’s not the plain ordinary stuff the care home provides. A couple of times a week a takeaway from McDonalds or fish and chips is always happily received too. It’s just something to show that we on the outside haven’t forgotten her.