First post in this section - need some general advice.

[EverydayDrudge]

Hi all,

I live with my two elderly parents. They have been increasingly relying on me for lots of things, especially during the pandemic, from grocery shopping, to cleaning, to toenail clipping, banking, buying anything they would normally buy in shops on the internet instead, and so on and so forth. A combination of physical health issues, cognitive decline, loss of confidence and pandemic life. I'm trying to keep them as independent as I can whilst protecting us all (we are all vulnerable to covid).

Recently they showed me a magazine article and we discovered I was eligible for the flu jab because I was doing caring work for them. I rang the doctors and after a chat they said I counted as a carer and I'm listed with them as a carer for my parents. I'll get the jab when the next batch is released.

Identifying myself as a carer has brought fresh levels of grief up for me, about my parents getting less independent and the increasing load on me and what it means for the next few years - potentially decade or more. I know it's been an exceptional year but I didn't get away for a break because between organising food deliveries, doctors appointments, collecting prescriptions or whatever i didn't seem to have the time or energy to organise it. I'm an only child.

I'm here to ask in general terms what support I should be aware of and might be able to access more or in the future. I think there is an attendance allowance, although I'm not sure they qualify for that yet anyway.

Do an internet search for 'Carer's Hub' and then your area.
You can register for newsletters and information.

Also take a look at the Age UK website. they have all sorts of advice and support, and also local groups happening.

Sending sympathy. Don’t live with dm but arrange all support for her and visit frequently.
Excellent advice from back - do you work? If not you may be eligible for ni payments to top up your state pension. On gov.website.
Also do you have power of attorney in place for them both? Vital to keep things easier going forward.
What do you do for you?

Attendance allowance as soon as you can get it - it makes it easier to persaude parents to buy in help (which I know they or you may not want to do at the moment).

PoA Financial would make your life much easier managing bank accounts etc, also having your own card on their account to avoid those interminable spreadsheets where you try and keep track of what you've spent on their behalf. Get them to give you PoA Health and Welfare too, if you can - not for now but an insurance for the future.

You should be able to get prescriptions delivered and you may be able to get them in a dosette box, divided into daily doses.

They may be willing to let you have access to their GP on-line system - makes ordering repeat prescriptions easier, and also allows you to keep in touch with medical decisions that are made. I arranged this by writing a letter "please let my daughter have access..." and getting Dad to sign it.

Once the Covid situation eases, see how much you can outsource. You'll still have a big admin load, so don't add cleaning, cooking, gardening to it if you can possibility help it. Toe nails - we have a "nail care practitioner" who charges £25 to cut my father's toenails - cheaper than a chiropodist I think, and she visits, so it saves organising trips to the surgery.

As carer, in theory you should be entitled to a needs assessment for you - I've never tried that - and you may be able to get respite care for you.

This is the link to the Leeds carers support - it may give you ideas as to services to look out for in your own area. And some of their leaflets might be useful. www.carersleeds.org.uk/

Their gp may have a multi disciplinary team to assess them and offer support. Ours recently organised a physio, occupational therapist and nurse to visit dm at home. If they have cognitive decline and are frail they need a care and memory assessment and possibly equipment to keep them safe at home. You could look at applying for attendance and carers allowance and a blue badge for you to use to take them out. Look at CarersUK site. What part of the country are you in. Apply for poa. Are they intending to stay in the house or would they ever be thinking of moving into warden flat or similar.

There's a lot of possibilities around benefits, adaptations, council support etc. Also things to consider such as power of attorney and planming for the future. There should be a carers service in your area, so see if you can make a telephone appointment and start there.

I didn't think attendance allowance was means tested. I'm sure my parents get that. No harm applying for it and seeing where that leads.

Prescriptions can be delivered. Most pharmacies can arrange this for elderly and vulnerable patients who need it. My parents can no longer get out to collect theirs (which between them come to most of a pharmacist's shop every time) so a delivery driver comes.

Shopping. Might they qualify for priority delivery slots? So that you don't have to actually do their grocery shop yourself each time. You could order it online.

I don't live near my parents. They pay for carers to come in three times a day. They also pay people to look after the garden and have a cleaner (who regularly also does their shopping). We are very fortunate that they can afford to pay for this, but I do understand that others are not in this position.

Power of Attorney (financial at least, but also health and wellbeing) should also be seriously considered by all parties if it hasn't already been set up.

Good luck to you. We are in your position too and it is very difficult. Very hard to watch once strong people declining before your eyes.

Get as much help as possible. Be willing to pay for some if finances allow. It is worth every penny.

Go to your local pharmacy & ask if you can set up free home delivery for repeat prescriptions. Once the form is completed, you should be able to order the future prescriptions via phone or internet.

Someone should then deliver

A great service !

Apologies if this seems insensitive, it's really important to have 'everything' in place while they still have capacity. POA as mentioned by PPs plus each having an up to date will in place, with you as executor.

You can always bring in legal advice if you need it. Having an executor who has themselves aged Orvis otherwise unsuitable can make things very difficult.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/make-a-lasting-power-of-attorney

Lots of MNetters have used @Mumblechum0 will writing service We did ours very easily with the arrangements all agreed over the phone.

https://www.marlowwills.co.uk

Accept that you are now in a marathon and that while you are going a very kind thing, it's important for you to take some time for yourself. It can be very easy to get burned out by the endless requirements.