Dad is obsessed with neighbour feud, don't know what to do!

[Thelatestfigures]

Not sure if anyone can help, sorry this is long.....

My Dad is nearly 90, lives alone (Mum died 20 years ago) is in full control of mental and physical facilities. He's got some feud going on with a neighbour which has been going on for years, he lives in a communal area, 7 houses and has been there for 40 years so the oldest and eldest resident. All the other neighbours have either died or moved away in recent years and so the new incumbents know nothing of the feud, problem is my Dad is totally convinced that the feuding bloke (who is middle aged not elderly) will bad mouth him to the others. My Dad is the Director of the little management group that look after the communal gardens and pathway.

He's just got into yet another argument with this bloke and sent him a curt email and the neighbour has written to him and cc'd all the neighbours in demanding his resignation as Director and telling them a bit of his history.

He's gone nuclear - wants to get solicitors involved etc and I am pleading with him to just let it go. He's now furious at me for not 'supporting' him, should I just agree with him? I just can't. To my mind he is about to create the exact scenario that he was wishing to avoid - i.e all his neighbours believing lies about him if he goes ahead and responds.

I've tried numerous times to tell him that the best way to deal with it is to rise above it and just be cheery and polite to the new neighbours and they will make up their own minds but he is hell bent on putting things straight as he sees it.

I feel so sad that his twilight years are going to be spent on this pointless feuding and hatred and want to try and stop him, btw he asked me to be totally honest. I wasn't interfering with what he is doing.

What do I do? Just nod and smile and let him alienate everyone and go to his maker miserable or keep trying to reason with him?

Thank you for reading!

VictoriaBun absolutely I think my Dad is a pain in the backside! He's fallen out badly with two neighbours, one now deceased, I always think you need to take a long, hard look at yourself if you've got yourself in that situation twice. Couldn't ever say that to him though!

Thank you everyone, it's made me feel so much better to see that it's a fairly common problem and that pretty much everyone advocates taking a step back.

WhatWouldJKRDo

Agree! I'm always trying to say isn't it a gorgeous day or whatever or just imagine you could be living in Syria, he just looks at me as though I've lost the plot though. We are so different in our outlooks on life, that's a big part of the problem. Yes, def need to try to let it wash over me more.

The brain does decline with age, and these sorts of things can be attributed to age. Even if he they used to do this sort of behaviour the aging brain also plays into it. Sad but true.

His world has become so small too sadly hence these things take on greater significance

You can't solve this as his behaviour is intractable and long standing. Some people can get more extreme as they age and some soften off

Unfortunately your Dad invited your opinion.

He asked for your honest opinion and you told him not to fan the flames and leave it be. He can't get angry at you for giving your opinion. Neither can you force him to develop insight at 90 into his actions. He's just an argumentative old man who doesn't know when to stop. And it sounds like nasty neighbour is too.

Best to leave them to it , keep pouring calming water on it when you get opportunity but don't say anything to fuel it. A solicitor would give him good advice so it doesn't matter if he goes to one. They see a lot of this

What you can change is, when you visit if he starts ranting, say "dad we drove all this way to see you and enjoy your company and don't want you to spoil it by ranting about these old and pointless arguments with your neighbour and what he's done now. Yes he's not a nice man and you'd be better off ignoring him as people will make their own minds up so leave it. Stop giving him air and space in your life or ours"