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Elderly parents

DNR

10 replies

notanoctopus · 24/09/2020 00:28

So... father in law went into a home at the end of Jan. His health is deteriorating - he had an undiagnosed UTI infection a couple of months ago and started falling frequently - he was told to just move with assistance which quickly turned to put in a wheelchair as it's easier and has now lost all mobility. He started getting delirious which cleared up after a couple of rounds of antibiotics and then got hospitalised with pneumonia and went back to the home where he was isolated due to a Covid case.

The home opened up for visits a couple of months ago, which you can book, so DP has been up a few times which is the max he was allowed. He is starting to get confused - it's never completely gone away since the infections a couple of months ago although there are plenty of totally lucid chats too. His confusion is always around a common theme - to pick him up as he is stranded somewhere and can't get home. It's heartbreaking. He had an appointment at the home with a district nurse and has apparently agreed to a DNR. DP was due to visit on Tuesday but visits have now been stopped again. DP is wracked with guilt over the home anyway and that he can see his dad deteriorating and can't help. He was providing regular care prior to him going into a home. DP doesn't want to bring him back as worried how will manage him here with bathroom upstairs etc and risk of Covid etc with kids being at school.

Why would someone sign a DNR if they are not in hospital or at end of life? DP thinks it's a sign his dad has given up.

OP posts:
seayork2020 · 24/09/2020 00:34

No one can answer this for you, it is his choice

dewisant2020 · 24/09/2020 00:36

Sounds like your DH father is deteriorating unfortunately and possibly becoming more frail now.
It's not unusual for a medical professional to start thinking about putting a DNAR in place sooner rather than later, unfortunately CPR isn't usually in an older persons best interest and it's always much kinder to let them pass peacefully when that time comes, just because a DNAR has been put in place it doesn't mean death is imminent it's just in place for when the time arrives

bettsbattenburg · 24/09/2020 00:59

I requested DNR for my father, he had no quality of life. I read something he had written very late in his life and that settled my decision for me.

DustyD2 · 24/09/2020 01:08

DNAR does not mean they refuse all medical treatment, it means that in the event of a cardiac arrest or similar serious medical emergency they do not want CPR / assisted support (ITU or being put on a ventilator). When adults reach an age they may make a decision to be supported to be comfortable without too much intervention, and to reach a peaceful conclusion.

notanoctopus · 24/09/2020 01:16

Thanks. So the DNR discussion is DC part of a routine assessment in care homes?

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 24/09/2020 01:20

Yes. If your father in law is deemed an adult with capacity he will have had it discussed with him. It doesn’t mean he is going to die or that no one cares about his health. It means that CPR will not be attempted due to the likelihood of it either failing or ending up with a poor outcome for your FIL anyway.

notanoctopus · 24/09/2020 08:32

Thanks

OP posts:
mdh2020 · 24/09/2020 08:48

People need to sign a DNR while they are well and their right mind. Our GP asked us to fill in a Community Care Plan for my mother and that was one of the questions we had to discuss with her.

MereDintofPandiculation · 24/09/2020 09:30

@notanoctopus

Thanks. So the DNR discussion is DC part of a routine assessment in care homes?
Yes. We went through it with my DF about a month after his admission 18 months ago.
notanoctopus · 24/09/2020 10:14

Thanks

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