Not asking for help

[Orangeblossom7777]

and then getting in a pickle?

Does anyone else have this with elderly parents? I am having it with in laws.

Not wanting to ask for help with health conditions and then moaning symptoms are getting worse, and then needing hospital admissions and drama as A&E not helping, sending home.

It has happened several times and finally the got some help after we messaged PALs and got some meds for the condition.

Now, they won't speak to us... it's so frustrating to see. Finding it difficult to listen to the moaning now when they don't do anything about it.

I don’t know if you can fix this. If she won’t stand up to him and get help then you have to wait until she is ill in order to force change. Sad really. Can your husband not speak to them and tell them that carers are required and make his dad listen before she does get ill?

The fil sounds like a right charmer. It’s probably dementia turning him into a bastard. Early onset possibly is there is history. It does turn people spiteful and nasty.

Absolutely what Elieza says. The time for carers is now. DP’s family have had to force their mother’s hand with carers this past month. She is insistent she doesn’t want them but all credit to their charm offensive and approach as they are now coming in 3 times a day. I was definitely surprised at how good the carers’ response to a very stubborn demented elderly lady refusing to allow them within a five mile radius ... somehow they have walked a tightrope across her frontGarden up they steps and into her kitchen . DP wishes they’d forced the issue sooner.

I think he has always been a bit like this but it is getting worse due to the illness, and now becoming more of a problem.

But yes, I think she is enabling it a little by not putting the foot down and saying no. But that is maybe due to his reaction. Sad isn't it.

DH the other night got worried about the whole thing saying "God knows what goes on when no-one's around' and things like that. Which was a bit worrying. Thing is with some families things don't get talked about.

He mentioned his dad being 'nasty; to his sister and said she just went quiet. He also said something about not knowing how his mum put up with him all these years.

Yes, he has been doing as suggested and trying to get his dad to accept help, and calling in to see them.

Another thing- MIL broke a bone from falling a year or so ago and she told me she heard it crack but FIL said he thought it was Ok so she didn't get help until it went all bruised and then even when it was set he asked to see the X-rays to see for himself

But he can be very charming with others.

On the subject of care it seems they have somebody coming in- not sure, anyway there is something in place. And the sister is helping with meals. People in daily I think. So that seems ok. It is the other stuff which is worrying.