I’ve not spoken to her for 3 days, no calls from her. The last time I saw her we did some DIY for her and she had a go at me and slammed the door in my face.
She lost her husband last year, he was doing everything for her and since then I have picked up where he left off. She lived with us for a time and became gradually ruder during that time. We moved her, we did up her house, we put so much time in. Since lockdown I delivered food to her twice a week, then started taking her shopping twice a week. Managed all her admin, she struggles with all paperwork and hates technology. She looses things, forgets dates, gets paranoid about people throwing away her stuff and has been rude and called me a liar when she forgets information I have given her. I have spent the last year making sure she is in a safe place and has everything she needs, answering numerous calls and dropping everything to go round and find something she has lost. She is manipulative with money and has cast my DH as a villain even though he has done so much for her. Her siblings are getting similarly fed up with her. She will not consider going to the GP about her memory loss and says it’s all due to “trauma” of loosing her husband, but he noticed symptoms before she died and spoke to me about them.
I know that when people get dementia/Alzheimer families are supposed to be extra tolerant of all symptoms including what feels like lies and rudeness but I feel I have reached the end of my tether. I can’t keep turning the other cheek when she is rude to me, or pretending there isn’t something medically wrong because it makes her feel better. My DC have had to take a back seat this year and I don’t think it’s fair. I did care for my DF who has a progressive neurological disease before he went into a care home and that was harsh, but he was never intentionally cruel like this.
She can walk to the shops, it’s a bit of a walk but it’s doable. There is some paperwork to do but it’s not the end of the world if it doesn’t get done. I think she really needs to see how much I do by my stopping. I have been so stressed and neglected my own family and others keep telling me to step away and let her fail so she can get proper help. But I feel bad that it is probably an illness that is making her this way. It has really taken over my life and at some points driven me to incredibly dark thoughts about self harming and running away. Is it ok to go NC with a demented parent? I should add that we had a good relationship before however when I look back on my childhood there was some things that were really not right and I would not put my DC through however I don’t know if this was down to age and experience (she was a young mum) or her being a bit of a narc.