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Elderly parents

how to deal with this

2 replies

bettsbattenburg · 12/09/2020 15:15

I suspect that my mother is in the earlier stages of dementia and has been for a while. It seems to be slow progress dementia in my inexpert view. The GP has seen her about this when I managed to arrange a home visit.

She's still driving and there is no concern there, I've seen her driving. She lives in a small retirement flat and got rid (gave to us to keep) a lot of stuff which we didn't really want and we had to get rid of stuff we did want to have her things - like her three piece suite which was better than the one we had as ours was wearing out but we don't like it, it's not our style. She doesn't know this and never will.

She's said she doesn't want anything for xmas as she is getting rid of things but she doesn't really have anything much to get rid of, the stuff she has left is the stuff she really wanted to keep because she likes it. We saw her (socially distanced in the gardens near her flat) today and she had been to the dump to throw stuff away. We're concerned what she is throwing away because she doesn't really have anything to throw away. She recently sold all of her jewellery and presented us with the money because "none of you would want my jewellery" some of which was sentimental to her - things that my grandparents had like my grandfather's retirement watch and their wedding rings and she's sold her wedding rings and all the jewellery my late father bought her.

We can't go to her flat and see if she has been throwing stuff away as no visits are allowed, the local public health department have banned it and the sheltered housing managers are not letting visitors in unless they are there in a professional capacity.

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Sparticuscaticus · 13/09/2020 11:13

Are there staff checking in on her in her sheltered scheme? You can ask someone from their service who goes in the building anyway to check in on her. Or video call her and ask her to show you round her flat by video.

Are you worried she is being taken advantage of and leaving her flat bare, due to some memory loss, rather than simply downsizing things she no longer needs? If she's still able to drive it sounds like she still has capacity in the main decision areas as that requires a higher level of cognitive functioning.

bettsbattenburg · 13/09/2020 12:51

They check on them if they don't see them one day. She won't do video calls!

I doubt she's being taken advantage of, it just concerned me what she said - I think I was overreacting TBH, it's easy to read too much into a comment.

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