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Elderly parents

Lockdown restrictions affected grandparent

6 replies

Claire926 · 08/09/2020 19:27

My grandad is 90 years old and is very good for his age. He seems more like he is in his 70s, takes his supplements and still has his independence and drives long distance on the motorway to his caravan.

Lockdown has affected him. For 3 months we were not able to see him due to the government restrictions which at the beginning no-one was allowed inside his property due to his age. My mom and her siblings visited rarely due to the government and media saying they would be a risk to him.

My grandad felt lonely so he would go out to the shops which I think would have been worse mixing with all of those people but understandable due to the loneliness. He recently told my mom he has been depressed as everything is closed and he has not seen his friends and social clubs are still closed.

Yesterday he had a flu jab and a blood test. After his flu jab he rang my uncle and said he was lost and said he had to go. After many hours of trying to contact him my mom and uncle had to call the Police and were speaking to different Police forces who eventually tracked him down after seeing him on motorway cameras.

This has been very frightening for everyone as we did not know where he was and if he was safe. My family had to go and collect him about 120 miles away which was a 2 and a half hour drive and got back in the early hours.

We visited him today and made sure he ate food which we prepared him and he seemed like his old self again. He even said he thinks he had a reaction to the needles and that he had not eaten before his flu jab hence probably why he was confused. He tends to be complacent with eating which causes him to be confused at times.

I am a bit worried as some relatives want to put him in a care home. The rest of the family disagree due to 2 other relatives who were neglected in care homes which we later found out from the newspaper one was in a care home where patients were physically abused the same time our relative was there.

I don't think my grandad needs to go in a care home as they don't look after people and it is a high risk environment for covid. He is not severe for alzheimers or dementia, can get dressed, washed, toilet, read, talk etc but just needs help. He is knowledgable and you can have a coherent conversation with him.

I am going to help by visiting him now and cooking and cleaning etc.

I am so angry about this lockdown, lots of people were breaking the rules and making non essential visits to everybody and yet my grandad needed help and support.

Does anyone know where I can get some extra support from such as organisations etc? I don't really want random people going into his property stealing from him.

Thanks.

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 09/09/2020 10:49

What does he want to do? As long as he has capacity to make the decision, his views are paramount.

It doesn't sound as if he needs a care home, and if he goes into a care home too early he will lose out on social activity as the other residents will not be at the same level as him. Losing social activity will in turn mean that he will decline more rapidly.In terms of living arrangements, the one that may be appropriate is "assisted living" - living independently in a flat but able to call on support when needed.

The first port of call for support is social services- you can ask them to do an assessment of his needs. He'll have a financial assessment and if he has enough income and savings will have to contribute to the cost of support himself - if that's the case, the other option is for him to hire support himself.

What exactly is your concern over random people going into his property and stealing from him? Are you concerned about care workers stealing? Or about him opening the door to dodgy strangers?

In terms of general advice, AgeUK are helpful, and Alzheimers website very useful.

averythinline · 09/09/2020 13:32

Was also going to recommend age UK although not sure what they are actually operating for social interaction at the moment.

Is there any way he could move closer or to a form of sheltered accommodation locally that would enable that sort of interaction?

I know you've all had a shock but realistically he's going to start needing more support at his age ...even if its just someone to heat up some lunch...thats what we started with for my gran. Carer once a day about lunchtime...just reassured us all she was a.eating and b. someone had seen her...
We were all miles away/working

More visits were added when she broke her wrist

A neighbour pops in to mil with the newspaper for the same reasons really ....

Frin my experience try and sort out something before its an emergency as stuff will get sorted then but often tricker...get a key safe

Knotaknitter · 09/09/2020 14:37

If your grandad needed care and support during lockdown what was stopping it? Even during the worst of lockdown one of the reasons you could leave your home was "care of a vulnerable person". Yes, increased contact carried an increased risk but that didn't mean that the government said that no-one could go over the doorstep and help someone who needed it. If he needed some support at that time then he could have had it.

That's in the past. For now you can contact his local social services department and ask for a needs assessment, if he's happy for you to do that. No-one gets to put him anywhere, he gets to make his own decisions about where he lives as long as he's competent to do that. This is not a choice the family gets to make for him, he does that for himself. Being 90 doesn't automatically mean you get to lose your rights and the benefits of being an adult.

The "random people going in and stealing from him" doesn't make a lot of sense. Is this care staff? Neighbours?

Claire926 · 12/09/2020 08:23

Thank you for all of your replies, very helpful and I can do something productive with.

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Sparticuscaticus · 13/09/2020 11:22

Arrange a needs assessment (with his consent? Under The Care Act 2014 with his local adult services

Explain your concerns and that you are worried he is not eating regularly and got lost wandering so police found him

The police should have done a police notification of involvement with a vulnerable adult with memory loss to the local authority already. They are likely to be making enquiries so make yourself known to them

Claire926 · 14/09/2020 15:15

@Sparticuscaticus

Arrange a needs assessment (with his consent? Under The Care Act 2014 with his local adult services

Explain your concerns and that you are worried he is not eating regularly and got lost wandering so police found him

The police should have done a police notification of involvement with a vulnerable adult with memory loss to the local authority already. They are likely to be making enquiries so make yourself known to them

Thank you for advising on this. After seeing him the past few days it is clear he needs extra assistance.
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