Dealing with incontinence (graphic content warning)

[notaflyingmonkey]

DM is 92, lives on her own with some support.

It's becoming obvious that she is fecally incontinent (evidence would suggest she doesn't always get to the toilet in time in the mornings).

I have got to the point where I can no longer collude with her that it isn't happening (I do her cleaning, wash her clothes etc). I have bought her some pull up pants in the past, but they get scoffed at as not being needed. I have today ordered some more, and a pad for her bed.

The problem being, how the hell do I persuade her she needs to use the pants? We have never had the best of relationships, and I am trying to allow her some dignity, but it can't be nice for her to live like that, and so want her to use the obvious solution that would avoid the mess.

nota this sounds really tough to deal with. Is she involved with local gp/ nursing people? Could they suggest a professional to talk to her and make suggestions? Is there anyone she would listen to?
It’s really hard trying to tackle these things and maintain dignity/ solve the problem.
🌺🌺

When I am asked to buy "some of those pantie pads" it's the Aldi inco pads we really mean. It is a really difficult conversation to have, I asked if the incontinence nurse had turned up as per the appointment and you'd have thought I'd asked something sexual. (The result is that I still don't know if the nurse ever came because we can't possibly discuss That Sort Of Thing)

I'd go with the line of it being rubbish weather and needing to do less laundry so if we use these disposable things then it saves the sheets.

I would ask for a visit from the incontinence nurse though, there's always the chance that they have some bright idea that will help.

She doesn't have sugar free sweets does she? Xylitol has a rather dramatic effect on one family member, they were becoming incontinent until I read the small print on the packet and switched the sweets. Problem solved.

Thanks for the responses, I will contact her GP surgery next week and see if they have an incontinence nurse who can give some advise.

She doesn't have sweets, but her diet is pretty rubbish. She only really eats snacks and so is probably not getting enough fibre (but anything healthy that I buy for her I tend to end up throwing away uneaten).

Is she getting constipated? Something that can happen with that is that that a mass of dry faeces can block, and eventually liquid faeces squeeze their way past (the only thing that can) and of course that's a lot less easy to sense and to control. It's apparently the most common cause of faecal incontinence in the elderly.

MIL IS 97 and lives alone . Is fiercely independent she has id pull ups for overnight as is a little wobbly and they were suggested as a “ just to stop you hurrying and possibly falling”
She also takes Loperimide every night as she has loose bowels as standard again possibly due to restricted diet .
She also covers her bed sheets with towels but that’s another story !

The bed pads I ordered arrived yesterday, so I will try one of those next time I change her bedding.

I think the rubbish she eats may well have caused her to be constipated, but had no idea that can cause loose bowel movements. And I suspect that she is consciously restricting her diet now, to try and stop them, thus aggravating the problem.

So, the question is now, how can I sneak fibre into her diet? I'm thinking of getting her a different breakfast cereal like Wheetabix... but I'm stuck beyond that as she just won't eat brown bread, apples, etc.

MIL has weetabix every morning and loves fruit but only if I am there to prepare it .
Would she eat prunes ? Drink orange juice ?

I would start with the gp and/or the incontinence nurse. They've seen it all before and we haven't. Their knowledge is a shortcut to success.

nota It's probably why so many older people have a daily dose of Senna.

Drinking helps with constipation. But it's difficult when old because moving around less means you need less food, and declining sense of small means food is less appetising. So by the time you've dealt with major nutrients and something to make it appetising, there's not much room left for fibre. Get some advice - nutrition in the elderly is a whole different world.