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Elderly parents

Parents’ visiting during COVID

4 replies

Rubee13 · 14/08/2020 11:43

Hi everyone,

We have two sets of parents who are over 100 miles of us in different directions. Due to their ages, late 60’s to 70’s, and the fact my FIL does have a heart condition, we have so far decided it is best not to visit either of them, and have also for them not to visit us, as we live in a small property without our own garden, so social distanced visits apart from sitting out in the communal area, are not possible. My FIL was quite upset when we declined an invite to stay with him a little while back , however, we felt it was the best decision at the time, as it was just after that lockdown measures had been eased and we felt it was still a risk, primarily to him as he is 77 and also has the heart issue.

My parents, however, made things very difficult by inviting themselves for three nights at the end of the month. The stress of this is compounded by the fact they live between two areas of local lockdowns and have by and large resumed normal life, including going to eat out inside places and visiting the local town to wander around there. Obviously, this is their prerogative, and nothing to do with me really. When I raised my concern about the visit, including the fact that any one of us might have been exposed to the virus, my mum was very manipulative saying she will never see her grandchild again, making me feel totally rubbish about my concern. Compounding this, is the fact my partner thinks a visit would give them preferential treatment over everyone else, who also haven’t seen their grandchild for a very long time, either!

Sorry for the long message! Has anyone experienced a similar situation, and for have you dealt with it?

OP posts:
ClamDango · 14/08/2020 17:07

They are being quite selfish and really should not be inviting themselves down unless they have booked into a hotel. You will just have to say sorry but you cannot stay with us but you are happy to help them find somewhere to stay and arrange for a meet up outside if they do decide to come. Both families will be missing seeing you and the kids, do you facetime them or make video calls to keep in touch.

Suzi888 · 14/08/2020 17:14

I’d make them isolate for two weeks before they come! Or whatever the latest advice is, if they’ll do it. Otherwise say you love them and would never forgive yourself if anything happened to them or your child. Remind them that other family members haven’t seen you either. I do think it’s very hard for the elderly, but it’s your baby and family and your call. They have to respect that even if they get a bit upset. Hopefully it won’t be for too much longer.

Rubee13 · 14/08/2020 19:55

Thanks very much for your insights. We keep in touch very regularly over FT, so they have had a lot of communication with us. I’m going to suggest meeting outside in a park and cutting the time to just one day, as it is not going to be easy to spend so much time outside!

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 14/08/2020 20:45

@Rubee13 that sounds like a good idea. Hopefully it’ll keep them happy and healthy. 😊

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