Discharge for hospital - what do I need to know

[BlueBell50]

My DM ended up in hospital yesterday after a fall. She appears to be ok but they are going to do a social assessment on her and see if she needs any help at home. She has stubbornly resisted any suggestions from me and frankly she was an accident waiting to happen. I’m hoping that this triggers a recognition that she needs a pendant, cleaner, home help etc. Although there are things I am willing and able to do I am not able to be a Full time carer. Drawing on your experience what do I need to say, what can I ask for, demand, what should I not agree to? The aim is to keep her at home and not in a care home as long as possible.
Thanks

Ask for a reenablement package - this is care usually at home until she is back on her feet or it's been decided she'll need full time care, uo to a max of 6 weeks.

As a general rule, do the things that only you can do (find out information, help her with decision making, generally provide a daughter's company) and outsource as much of the rest as you possibly can. Anything you do yourself you will be doing 24/7 every day of the year for maybe 20 years - Ok while you're fit and available, but what if you're ill, or you want to go on holiday?

Social Services will also want to keep her home as long as possible if they're paying for any of it, as it's cheaper.

They can provide support with washing, dressing, toileting. They won't do cleaning, shopping or gardening, nor will they supervise taking of medicines.

Suggest you move this to the elderly parents board. Lots of experience over there.

Oh damn. I though I was on AIBU. You're already here!

Tell Social Services that you can no longer cope, she needs help and you can't meet her increasing needs.

Tell them if she's discharged, she'll probably be back within the week.

She needs a full physical assessment, a pendant and quite possibly meals on wheels, carers or a district nurse at the very least.

You're not prepared to accept her discharge without something changing, as you can't cope.

It sounds heartless, but you have to keep insisting that you can't cope, your mother is far frailer than she insists she is and she really is "an accident waiting to happen".

Pressure on bed occupancy is so great, they really will take what your mother tells them at face value and discharge to an unsafe environment.

The phrase “ unsafe discharge” has helped others on here in this situation.
Insist on full ot assessment of her and of her house to get equipment she needs before being discharged

And make sure what you are prepared to do and will not do are recorded- elderlies often say oh my daughter will do xyz........

Thank you for the advice. We’re still trying to spring her from hospital, but OH and I have agreed what we are willing and able to do. We have had the time to think what we can source ourselves and what we need from outside. Everything is so difficult as we cannot visit and see her for ourselves. Thanks again.

We've had this experience with a family member and as horrible as it was we had to refuse to do anything before anyone helped him. It's shit but that seems to be the system where if you offer any help it's assumed you will do everything.

Do you have Power of Attorney for your DM? If not it’s well worth looking into, you can apply online, it’s fairly straightforward. Solicitors charge quite a lot.

Things have taken a turn and now we are trying to get her out without anything in place because of lack of care. Its been a nightmare of a week, we’ve struggled to get information about her and it seems she has been neglected. It culminated today when it emerged that the hospital unit had applied for a DOLS order, and then lied that they had told us. Tomorrow there is a meeting to see what is in her best interests. Hopefully we can get her home.

@BlueBell50

Things have taken a turn and now we are trying to get her out without anything in place because of lack of care. Its been a nightmare of a week, we’ve struggled to get information about her and it seems she has been neglected. It culminated today when it emerged that the hospital unit had applied for a DOLS order, and then lied that they had told us. Tomorrow there is a meeting to see what is in her best interests. Hopefully we can get her home.

Hi can I just ask why you want to spring her from hospital? It is the right place to get her assessed and the appropriate care package put in place. Has she told you she is being neglected or do you have other proof that she is? My mum tells me all sorts of things that go on which actually don't happen at all!

How did the meeting go today?