Disabled mother, DF being abusive

[Fern204]

This might be long, sorry. My parents have been married for 50 years, my mum has had Multiple sclerosis for the past 37 years. Her health continues to deteriorate, she cant walk, needs to self catheter, has had gallbladder removed and cant eat any high fat foods. She has many other related health issues.
They own two houses, next door to each other. They live in one and my dad uses the other for his business. He rents out a room to a lodger in that house.
It is becoming apparent that they are in a very precarious financial position (pre covid), interest only mortgages, substantial debt, a business which at best provides minimum living costs.
I can understand this is stress full and DF is dealing with the stress by turning to the (female) lodger, who also works in his business.

My mum doesn't like this situation but feels powerless to do anything, he can be verbally very abusive towards her, especially if my brother and I try to get involved. This has been happening for the past year.

It's a mess of a situation and I cant see how to help my mum. The level of 'care' my dad provides is minimal, she doesn't eat well. We are pretty sure the lodger doesn't pay rent, and my dad is buying her food.
I have my own health issues and live an hour's drive away, so not on hand.
Where do we start?

I would contact the local council and ask for a care needs assessment. They can help you arrange a care and support plan, so this might be someone coming in once a day to help your mum etc. I would also look and see if you have a 'meals on wheels' scheme running near your mum, as they can deliver 3 meals daily so you know she is eating well. You might find the links below helpful. all the best x

www.gov.uk/meals-home -meals on wheels postcode checker

www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/money-work-and-benefits/when-the-council-might-pay-for-your-care/ -info about care

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/arranging-care/ -info about arranging care

Thanks, she has always been care resistant, but knows that she needs to accept care if things change.

If one house was sold, would there be any equity to pay off debts?
Surely if they have been married for 50 years he is able to retire?

Unfortunately they remortgaged to the max, so there is only about 30% equity in each, pensions were plundered for tax free cash 20 years ago, already on a debt management plan. It's a shit show.
He wont retire, refuses to. Always talks about the next great idea which will make them money. It's very sad.