Options for my elderly dad?

[faw2009]

Hi
I've been lurking for a few months here... I wonder if anyone can help me regarding options for my 98 year old dad?

He has mobility issues, COPD, doubly incontinence and possible dementia. My parents live in a small flat but are divorced. My mum has been helping look after my dad for many years. He had a second stroke in January, and lots of things happened in hospital. He came home a shell of his former self and with a package of care.

My mum was still doing tonnes despite carers coming. With COVID, we decided to limit carer visits to just one a day, so my mum has been doing a hideous amount more. I don't think she can take much more so we need to think about options.

My understanding is:

• care home or nursing home. Probably latter as he displays some potentially dangerous behaviour like pulling at his oxygen tube. We have talked to our social worker briefly about this option.
• stay in the flat with carers or live-in care. (My mum was not happy with all the carers coming in and I don't think she'll want a live in carer either. It's a small place).
• potentially my dad could come and live with me, perhaps with carers coming in. We would have the room. I wish I could say I was a dutiful daughter and am super willing. Having seen all the work my mum does, I have to confess I am not. I have two kids and I'm pretty sure my husband would not take to this unless short term.

Is there anything else I am missing? We are erring towards a care/nursing home, but at this time with COVID still around, it seems risky. And I don't think my dad would like it :(

I should probably add there is quite an age gap between my parents.

The only other option I can think of is for him to move to sheltered housing with regular carer visits but will depend on what local provision there is available.
Personally I'd say the nursing home would be the best as there is 24hr care available but this is not something many older people seem to want (talking from experience).

As you have Carers coming in, do you have a care manager with the Council who oversees things? They’re probably the best placed to go through your options with you.
Ordinarily I’d advise you to visit local care homes to get a feel for any potential places, but Covid kind of knocks that on the head just now.

One advantage of a nursing home during Covid is that it is a nursing home - in other words there are nurses available 24 hrs a day, and medical advice on tap. It means that if he does get Covid symptoms, the move to hospital is postponed compared with living at home, which is a good thing.

Thanks for the replies here.

Our social worker was helping us with the carers but now we have been passed on to a long term care team.

Good point about the nursing homes. It's such a tough time for everyone. Keep safe all!

Hi, did you get it sorted?
None of us here can tell you what the options are for your dad as that's the social workers job based on his needs assessment

I hope you've had that discussion now with your new social worker, if they haven't allocated it, then ring into adults health and care main number to ask for an early review and explain things are difficult and a struggle to manage at home. They will re assess and look into all the options that best fit

It sounds difficult , I wonder whether you ought discuss a reinstatement of his previous care package rather than continue with reduced visits whilst you consider the other options