Do Not Resuscitate order - urgent help needed

[DorsetCamping]

DM (74) has been in hospital since Monday with severe dehydration, anaemia, high potassium levels and acute kidney injury.

She has not been well for some time with various conditions but has enjoyed a reasonable quality of life - in her own home and driving.

Over the last few days, she has become increasingly confused, distressed and drowsy which is so difficult to witness as obviously I'm not allowed in to see her. We have had a few Zoom calls but it's not the same.

I've just had a call from a doctor who says that despite various scans and tests they cannot work out what is happening and DM declining. Scans have not shown up anything and feel it may be down to conflicting meds for all her conditions which has put her system out of balance. She has now been taken off of all pre-existing meds.

Out of the blue the doctor then said that as mum 'has a poor quality of life' it was her opinion that a DNR should be put in place although they were still continuing treat and hoped she may pick up.

This is a huge shock to me - the doctor just didnt seem to get that DM actually had a pretty good quality of life before this kicked off, rather she is a frail, very poorly old lady who should be put out of her misery.

I am next of kin, DM is in no state to make her wishes known (although on previous hospital admissions had always been adamant that all reasonable efforts are made to resuscitate, should it need to happen). Can I insist that no such order is put in place, certainly not in the short term?

I am besides myself with worry and that the hospital are just happy to let her slip away. I have been granted a visit, which I know full well the implications of, in these lockdown times.

I've seen her. She is unconscious and seemingly unresponsive. A sharp pinch caused no reaction. I cannot believe she has declined so quickly and they still don't know what is causing her current state.

Apparently she had 5 seizures over night but a subsequent brain scan showed no abnormalities. They can only hope now that her potassium levels are brought done by assessing meds and ongoing monitoring.

I don't know what to do or expect

Am so sorry. Obviously the dehydration and anaemia can be treated in hospital, so hopefully this will make a difference.

Were you able to speak to a doctor?

@Mrsmorton and co:

You believe that not having blind faith in medics is offensive? There is plenty of evidence out there to disprove that theory, should any of you choose to look.

Nothing has come of your reports by the way, most likely due to them being silly.

Furthermore, your comments are offensive to those of us who have lost loved ones due to medical negligence and abuse.

Have a good one all

OP I am so so sorry. I see it's a few days later so for you this may now be irrelevant, but in case other people are in a similar situation....
My Mum had a lot wrong with her and died last year. In the end her kidney function deteriorated and that what took her. Her blood electrolytes (potassium levels etc) went out of normal range because of the kidneys. That caused her heart rhythm to be very irregular (you could see this as she was on a monitor) and a day or two later her heart stopped. Considering all the other ways she could have gone, which would have involved much more discomfort, I was relatively relieved.

This is the reason why everyone should get LPA in Health and Welfare for their parent before it's too late. Without it, it's not really your decision anyway - the State decides, and the State profits from your parent's death. They do have to run it past Next of Kin, though - but they have no legal rights really.
I agree that the whole resuscitation thing is brutal and doesn't necessarily mean without it they just let them go. Everything else can be tried up until that point, and should be. You can make that clear - that includes being on a drip, being on a feed, plus antibiotics to cure the urine tract infection.
My Mum was in a similar boat after care home neglect in March 2014. I got called out because she wasn't DNR and her blood pressure had dropped to 40 over 20 and it seemed she wouldn't last the night.
I agreed to DNR after it was explained but made it clear she wasn't a goner.
She pulled through and lasted another three and a half years but we were lucky. It appears after the hospital put her on free NHS Continuing Healthcare they put her on a variation of the Liverpool Care Pathway and tried to have her killed via covert dehydration via various Surrey care homes, but that's another story - a story that leads me to believe that the ushering in of Covid-19 into care homes as no accident.

I’m a nurse. You really don’t want a frail, elderly person going through CPR and the subsequent recovery in the unlikely event it’s successful. CPR is brutal, I have an elderly resident in hospital at the moment and that’s the last thing I’d want for them - the extra time with them if they were brought back would likely not be long at their age and the injuries from CPR would mean pain. A slow recovery due to being frail and quite probably further time in hospital when they ended up with a chest infection as a result of the pain from broken ribs and immobility stopping them from deep breathing/coughing effectively to clear the chest.

A DNR is specific to resuscitation and has no bearing on what other treatments would be provided. The relative in question is awaiting surgery for a health problem once they’re well enough.