This is long and complicated but I'll try and keep it brief. Dm is elderly and has disassociated herself from my family since meeting her partner. We have argued and tried all we can to be a part of her life but she doesn't want to know. Her partners kids have access and spend time with them, they allow them to clean etc but when we try we just get shouted at/abuse. We've given up but made ourselves available where possible.
Obviously we're in lockdown and I tried to arrange care packages/shopping deliveries and they were all refused (with anger). They also got angry when I wouldn't go hunting to several shops for particular book for the partner. I have three kids under 5 and my husband is a key worker who takes the car.
My mum has multiple health issues and won't allow us to take her to the doctors/gets abusive when we try.
She's had a few falls and I ended up phoning her gp to raise my concerns and the last time the paramedics came (Sunday) they took her in for tests.
Partner's family members are now rushing around to get aids and all sorts to bring her home immediately. They have broken lockdown and social distancing to do so. Then have had a massive go at me (as they aren't in contact with my siblings) that we're not "pulling our weight". They keep telling me I need to go up to hospital and take snacks, pyjamas and washing supplies despite a ban on visitors/not wanting to come into contact with her partner who (should ) be shielding.
Personally I want them to do an assessment for care at the hospital, means test it etc. She has the money but she has been transferring a substantial amount of money to her partner each month for years as well as paying all bills. I have suspicions this flurry of activity and finger pointing is a knee jerk reaction that financial irregularities may come up if assessments are made.
Sibling works within the realm and scope of social care/nhs and said that we should just wait for information and not get "involved" as we aren't next of kin/don't want to be responsible for signing anything/be expected to take on the care.
We have arranged private care in the past for them but this has been terminated by dm's partner.
I'm now at a point where my dm is in hospital. I have no idea what's happening but I feel stuck to ask for information/the guilt is bad. I know I couldn't have physically/emotionally done more than I have but I'm still more emotionally connected than my siblings.
Any advice on what I can do, without getting entangled in having to agree care plans/shoulder financial responsibility? I feel my siblings would be able to help with this but are refusing to act until they are contacted.