Vent: everyone suddenly caring when person in hosp

[TheOrigBrave]

Why is it that only when someone is admitted to hospital do some family and friends suddenly become so interested in their welfare?

Where are they in the day to day support for both the unwell parent and the person caring for them?

Pity party: the increasing care needs of my family member saw me go to his flat every day last week, as well as trying to mange my full time (WFH) job, my homeschooling 11 yo as a single parent. I'm knackered.

Even when I asked that there be a chain of communication so not everyone was phoning me for updates, they still phoned me.

Got that off my chest. Thanks.

nb I am more than happy to care for this person, it's just very hard, that's all.

My sympathies.

I think it's a social awkwardness as much as anything else. Is it intrusive to do too much? Ask too much? Will they have to keep it up indefinitely? Hospital admission is a universally recognised marker of "short term crisis" so it helps people know what's expected of them and what to do. I'm not saying that justifies it if they're failing to speak up otherwise. And of course I don't know the details.

Have you/could you ask some of them directly for what you need by way of support? And/or stop answering the phone to others?

They like the drama.

Absolute vultures when my father was dying mad just after the death. You need to be very careful with such people OP.

*and not mad.

My own experience would be that family can ignore the slow decline and not see that granny needs looking after but the hospital admission is a "sudden" signal that something is wrong. It may have been wrong for weeks or months before that but they've managed to not see the signs until there's a crisis.

It's easy to pick up the phone and show you care, harder to show it by scrubbing the kitchen floor and clearing spoiled food from the fridge. Words are easier than work.

(Yes, I am angry and bitter about my own situation)

Say to the first person who phones you - please can you make sure the rest of the family knows, because " Then only pick up if you're reasonably sure it's the hospital.

It's galling but it's human nature. Normally I'd say grab whatever help is on offer and treat it as a respite, but of course there's no help they can offer, is there?

I used to get loads of phone calls from family and friends re dm. I had a 4 month old and they would always ring during arsenic hour saying they didn’t want to disturb dm.

I organised an email group and it saved my sanity. I could write what I wanted to, when I wanted to. I could check for answers when I wanted to. I would still get the odd phone call but would just chuck the phone at her and leave her to natter so all good.

By the end of her life, I had about 50 in the group including her accountant, financial advisor, her oncologist, friends, family, the oncology dept boss (who became the most wonderful friend). I had at least one email back from everyone at least once over three years and not one of them said no thanks.

I included everyone I could think of and asked those people I had to please pass it on to those I didn’t and so the group grew. So useful.