How's everyone getting on?

[MereDintofPandiculation]

The cafe is quiet quiet at the moment, and the conversations there are quiet serious, so I thought I'd better start a new thread.

How is everyone coping? Are people bumping along as well as can be expected, or is it all quite horrific?

My Dad is still in knockdown in his so far coronavirus free nursing home. But it's having a bad effect mentally, like any change - he's cheerful in himself, but immersed in a WWII fantasy world of secrecy and "Need to know". Long conversation last night about needing DS to ring him because he has access to information that Dad needs for what he would only refer to as "the second confidential paper". He punctuates his conversation with "Do You Understand What I AM Saying?" Well, no, Dad, I'm completely mystified, but I can't say that else you'll simply repeat the whole thing, with added fantasies.

Overall, I'm bumping along OK. House, garden, supermarket delivery slot. What more could anyone want?

knot What you describe is exactly what respite care is about. A short period of time when you're off duty. Of course, what would be really useful to family carers would be an off duty period every day, say 11 hours like in the Working Hours Directive, along with 2 24 hour periods off duty in every 7 days ....

in terms of respite care

if you receive Carers' Allowance, presumably you have to let them know and you won't get it when you have an official carer in to give you respite, is that correct?

No, she didn't have carers, what would she want one for? She would tell you that she can manage perfectly well, mostly by getting other people to clean/shop/use the phone/run her here and there/complete forms/order medication...

She has been discharged from hospital with a care package which she doesn't think she needs. I fully expect her to refuse it when the six week discharge period ends and she has to pay for it, maybe even before then if she has a fall out with one of the carers. The reason I'm grumpy is that she did have wider family support and I just took her shopping and fixed things. Come lockdown everyone else vanished and I was left holding the baby.

For the next couple of weeks I go back to doing the shopping and changing lightbulbs which suits me just fine.

It was ever so good to have a moan, I don't have an outlet for it and it felt sooo good. I should maybe start a journal just for whining.

knit feel free to moan here. We get it- all have needed to vent and say the unsayable.
Glad you felt better.🌺🌺

Knot she sounds very like my mum!

For the next couple of weeks I go back to doing the shopping and changing lightbulbs which suits me just fine. Just make it clear to everyone you meet that that is the absolute limit to what you can do.

Social services can get very focused on the needs of the elder; I was asked (at nearly 70) to sleep on the floor so that my father wouldn't be alone overnight.

One of mums carers is now off with a temperature.... oh s@#£

Any news sandwich? Hope it's turned out to be nothing serious.

I am really struggling today. Had my first 'day off' (at home for the whole day, DD at her dads from 11-7) in 2 or three weeks yesterday and it was bloody lovely but now I feel shitter than ever.

A nurse came round last Thursday and told mum that dad has 1-3 months. Which we already knew but she's been in denial so hearing it again when she was on her own was deeply unhelpful.

He seems to be deteriorating. Nurse in question arranged emergency carers over the weekend and we've got district nurse coming in shortly, and bed etc arriving Tuesday.

I just cannot cope with mums emotions and grief

Thanks for asking minty all ok so far.....
So sorry to hear your news- it is so hard. Possibly when you were able to pause it hit you. 🌺🌺
Good to hear nursing support is getting things in place- but you need support too. Can the hospice help you or your mum? This is going on for a while- how can you get support for you?
Is there anyone else to support your mum? Relatives by phone?

Glad you've not had bad news.

One of her friends is phoning her daily and she does talk to a few others from time to time. Most of their friends have either passed away or are in really good health and have lots of family around so not so available.

I'm an only child so it's a lot of pressure. There's a local counselling service which may be able to offer phone support for me if needs be. I suggested it to mum but she's getting so many phone calls from various agencies she wasn't keen.

She is very highly strung and has all sorts of complicate issues with death and loss. I feel terrible because when she gets upset I just feel aggravated and frustrated rather than sympathetic, and then I feel guilty.

You can't govern how you feel, only how you act. So there is no blame in feeling aggravated and frustrated.

Can I join?
My elderly Dad's health is taking a nosedive and (this is new) he's starting to be confused now too.
He doesn't live close so there's not much I can do - he's not on his own anyway and I suspect it's going to go very quickly to carers coming in (and worse).
Just want a space to vent really.

Sorry to hear about your dad Pebbles - it must be tough being far away, especially with the current situation.

I've just had a video chat, and am no less worried. He doesn't seem distressed though at least. We aren't super close as he's an extremely reserved man but he is still my Dad.
It's hard to see him like this but I mustn't cry when he can see me, it'll upset him (and my stepmother who is having to hold it all together).