Any tips on coping with the horrible dementee?

[Supersimkin2]

Would share story but right now, just too tired and shocked. DF is foul. Not always, but predictably. He's not ill enough yet to get away with how cruel he is, to both DC and DGC. Specialises in nasty lies - last month he faked cancer.

Do you a) put up with it b) if so, on what grounds and if not, how much do you limit contact?

We've had to limit contact with DGC already. No one will go to his and DM's house any more.

My view is that the benefit of family contact to DF is wildly outweighed by the damage of DF to family.

DF doesn't remember what he's said and done; we can't forget it.

Advice, please, wise women. Guilt will kick in, see.

Has he always been foul, or is it mainly the dementia?-

What was always the bad side of his personality, which we all have, has morphed into true monster mode.

When my mum was in nasty mode (really never part of her personality) we made strongly limited time with ds, never unsupervised for even a few seconds, and as soon as she kicked off we left or took ds away to the garden or whatever. Meeting outside the house was much better.
For me, though it hurt, I just put it in the box of things that dementia had done to my mum. But if your dad still has capacity to understand what he is doing then you can say 'No dad, thats a nasty thing to say' and see what happens

For me one of the things that helped (weirdly) was looking at brain scans of people with my family members type of dementia.

Some times it presents in odd ways eg can tell you the date and what happened on eastenders but all the bits that dealt with social skills, and empathy were going. Similar to what you said, it was a side that was always there but when inhibitions were going and empathy going it was rampant

For me it helped tying that personality shift to the biological change. I then felt more able to say this is an illness, and we will be doing xyz to manage it. In the same way we might have not let my nan with Parkinson's hold my baby without support, we knew we had to do things that were harsh for the best.

Obviously very different if you dont feel its linked though.

Just escalate to next stage what you have put in place. Maintain strict no contact between him and DGC. even if your mum is a casualty. Do your best not even to discuss him in front of DGC. They will be soaking up all his negativity already- dementia or not - and the sooner you cut it off at source the better outcome for you DC. Very hard for you to deflect all this but it sounds like you are truly doing your best in difficult circumstances.

In a general way Dementia is a progressive disease that is the process of parts of the brain dying off, whether it is small sponge like holes in Alzheimer's or specific areas (eg vascular after ministokes). Some areas of t he brain ( frontal lobe) are more involved in behaviours and damage of those can cause a disinhibition of behaviours that the person would normally have suppressed. So it really can change or exaggerate someone's personality and result in their saying things that are very abrupt and unkind that they don't mean.

I hope that helps , you'll feel better if you put it in the 'DF's dementia illness' box and please don't dwell on it. It is hurtful to hear but try to remember the kind things he used to do and who he was and sometimes still is.

Pay someone who has tested positive to come and cough all over him

joystir59 so a care worker has to look after him without enough PPE and get it themselves?

OP I find the Dementia Alliance website helpful and the British Psychological Society coping tips useful.