Poor diet worries

[RoseMartha]

Really concerned for my parents. They say they do not need help but they clearly do. Refuse all help except from myself and my sister. Will not even let neighbours help.

(My sister and I have our own families both with SEN kids and we both work part time).

Our parents have a manner of illnesses including dementia, arthritis, COPD, diabetes, asthma, high blood pressure and cholesterol, thyroid problems to name a few.

Their eating has really gone downhill. We are buying bits for them constantly. If they run out of one thing, they do not have the ability to wait until it is convenient for us to buy it. They will ring us at work or home 10+ times a day each.

They only seem to be eating the following;

Eggs
Milk
Ice cream (over 6 litres a week each!).
Chocolate
Biscuits
Crisps
Jacket potato
Tinned soup
Toast
Orange juice
Cereal with lots of sugar.
Tea/coffee

A year ago were eating ready meals and occasional fresh fish and fresh fruit and veg.

I counted over 8 unopened multipacks of crisps this week in their larder and still they were adamant they needed more. We are finding hidden half packs of crisps in weird places and random cupboards.

While they are refusing help they then act like little kids. It is really hard to know if we ought to just keep on as we are or push for help they dont want.

We are at the point where we can not cope with them. But to get them help makes us feel guilty.

Has anyone else had this?
What did you do?

This sounds really hard. Please don’t feel guilty, but to try and get some help for them would enable you to do nice things with them rather than the chores.
10+ calls a day is outrageous. Can you look at finding a local carer/ cleaner to come in and do shopping/ cook lunch- if it is ready meals or meals on wheels? Ask your local age uk or possibly doc surgery for recommendations. Getting help in now is worth pushing for as sadly their needs will increase.
Would either be eligible for attendance allowance? Get help from age uk to complete- they know the language.
This could help pay for care.
It’s tough but worth pushing now.

Absolutely know this one although not the multiple phone calls for shortages.
Started when my DM’s dementia was rapidly spiralling. Their cravings were for salt and butter, strangely my DM would pass all her food to my DF who ate for them both
The acting like kids used to wind me up as they would exchange knowing looks and were quite gleeful at being awkward. Really was playground behaviour. Basically both mine were losing their ‘filters’ and has regressed into their own narrowing world. Looking back DM and DF were operating as a team because non conforming to their DC wishes was their only shared focus so they united and could encourage each other. With everything else they were at each other’s throats so this behaviour gave them common ground which had eroded elsewhere.
I think it’s a phase of decline sadly and just another warning to you and your DSis that they are not coping . However, I would alert their social work team and start pushing for support even though they don’t want it.
We tried grocery deliveries, boards with meal plans, home cooking left for them - none of those schemes worked beyond 48hrs and they did their own thing. Really hard

I work with a lot of elderly people with dementia. Tastes do change with dementia. Commonly people prefer sweet food. Are they losing weight? Weight loss can also be common with dementia and COPD. Is the diabetes insulin controlled? Or tablet/diet?
I agree in getting social services involved and getting a package of care in. Having someone there at mealtimes to assist with meal preparation could make a difference.

Your parents' diet looks varied and protein filled compared to my father's. Even it you could get them to accept meals on wheels, there's no guarantee they'd eat them.

Friend of mine who used to work with older people told me the "biscuit diet" was really common.

I'd suggest that rather than change the diet, you try and get the healthiest version of their diet that you can.

Thank you for your helpful replies. I will contact their social services lady and see what she suggests in order to move forward.

Goodness knows how they will cope if the shops run out of the things they eat!

It is true there is no filter anymore.

The constant phone calls do my head in. If it is not asking for food it is asking me what day it is and what they are supposed to be doing. And will i pick them up and take them out. And then crestfallen if I have to say I am working.

Yes lost weight especially my mum. Diabetes controlled by diet hence me worried six litres of ice cream a week is not good. ( not that it is good for anyone).

I also think they forget what they have eaten and then eat more.

Thank you all. I appreciate your replies

The weight loss may help their case at getting escalated higher up list of social work team. This happened about eight years ago so not in current times but sw team arranged for Alzheimer’s volunteers to visit two at a time. One distracted my DF by taking him to shops while the other stoked my mum with food as she was 6st. Visitors cam twice a week. Carers every day. We organised grocery delivery. Left to their own devices they defied instruction.
So frustrating. It’s a reached milestone that you need to make their sw team aware as from now on will need regular attention to resolve. Among the most stressful times/stages for you and your sister, I bet. Look after you and your immediate family. You could spend every free moment helping your parents and it won’t be enough. This is why you need to call in help now.

Maybe worth asking GP/district nurse to refer your mum to the dietitians. They’ll have some helpful tips for managing weight loss with diabetes.