Choosing a care home

[JANEG70]

My Mum has been in hospital since having a fall at Christmas. Due to her rapidly declining mobility it has been decided that she would be safer going into a care home. My sister and I have looked at several ranging from horrendous to okay. There isn’t a great amount of choice in our area and she has been offered a place in a council run home in a small town about 10 miles away from where we live. We got a positive impression when we looked round, it’s quite dated and the rooms are small but the staff seemed nice. My dilemma is that there may be a place available in a few weeks at a brand new home much closer to where we live. We also looked round there and it’s really lovely, large en-suite bedrooms, lots of different communal areas which would make it easier and more pleasant to visit her with my young children. As it is new it doesn’t yet have a CQC inspection report, it is also a council run home and was opened after 3 older homes closed and staff have been redeployed here. She has to leave the hospital and if we don’t take the place we’ve been offered she could be moved anywhere! The environment in the new home is so much better and obviously it’s closer for us to visit but we have heard a couple of negative things about it, just hearsay. I know the quality of care is the most important thing and we are going to take the place she’s been offered, but should we then consider moving her to the new home if a place becomes available in a couple of weeks? Am I just being selfish? How do you know how good the care is going to be until you actually go into a place. I keep going over and over it in my mind! We just want the best for her.

What's her mental state like? If she's lacking mobility but mentally alert, a move might be possible, if she's beginning to get confused, each move is going to cause another downturn.

I'll tell you the experience of my dad in case it gives you anything to think about. Small home, 33 residents, good because all the staff know them all as people, what they like and don't like. They know me too. Manager is vary visible out and about, easy to get to talk to. Staff seem to enjoy working there, and turnover is low for the sector. Staff also give the impression of actively liking my father.

Dated, small room, not en-suite - this troubles him a lot less than I thought it would, and at least it gets him out walking if he needs the loo. Home does not smell of pee - some do.

Food - two choices at each meal, but if he doesn't like either they'll offer him something else like scrambled egg or fried egg and chips. Similarly he can have a milk shake if he doesn't want a cup of tea. Although they have a dining room, they let residents eat where they prefer - they'll bring food into their rooms, I think they discourage eating in the lounge, but I've seen one lady eating at a table in the reception area.

They let him get up and go to bed when he wants. We can visit whenever we like. They'll lend a wheelchair if we want to take him out. All this flexibility I think is more important than facilities.

The home is about two miles away, and that does make visiting easier. But since I'm usually there a couple of hours, I suppose having to drive half an hour each way isn't that much worse than driving 5-10 mins each way. Depends how often you think you'll visit? - a longer journey is less troublesome on a weekly visit than if you go several times a week.

Ours was an emergency admission, and it wouldn't have been my first choice because the other residents mainly have a dementia diagnosis (whereas as Dad has a "mild cognitive impairment" diagnosis, but I've not moved him because the staff are good and he's given a good deal of control over his life. I turned down the chance of a bigger room when it became available, because we all thought that this would exacerbate his confusion.

You've got a couple of weeks to make up your mind. Visit her as often as you can, at as many different times of day as you can, and talk to the staff, see what they say about her, and watch their interactions with other residents.

Don't be too put off by slightly shabbier surroundings. My parents have experience two nursing homes: the first chosen because it looked like a country-house hotel. They actually found it a bit too rambling and empty when they had a week's respite there: they put my heavily disabled father right at the top, requiring him to use two separate stair lifts. Exhausting for him. They were very kind but it just seemed a bit isolating.

When my father needed a nursing home permanently we therefore chose a place with some rather dodgy carpets, but it was clean and cosy and the staff were lovely. He died there before Christmas and the kindness shown to him and me (I was with him) that night showed me we were right to have chosen it. There were a number of nurses and carers from the Philippines there and in my experience these are probably some of the loveliest and best-trained staff in the world.

Two things to contribute.
Mum was in a home that was force closed. Forty families had to find new places all at once. Everyone did. From those whom we kept contact 50% moved again in the first six months (or sooner) and 50% stayed put. So some had three care homes in a relatively short space of time and made the transitions. Agree you won’t know until you try. But you can still move her...
We are in a shiny care home as the 2nd care homes was too expensive. We waited for a new care home to open. Now after 18 months many of the original staff are gone and the leadership is lacking. It is not the same home but we got a really good first six months when it was excellent.
No right or wrong answer.

Who is funding the care?

If the council are then unless the 'nicer' one is the same price or cheaper you'd be expected to take the first one.

It'd be unsettling to move once then move again when a place available,

As PP said don't let shabby put you off. In my experience (social worker) the shabbier seems often much better than the 'posh' ones- not always bus often.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, I have found it very reassuring. The cost of both homes is the same so main differences are distance and decor. Like all of you have said I have heard that a smaller home can be more homely and personal. Mum moves in tomorrow so I've decided to be optimistic and positive about this, see how well she settles in and take it from there. She is still quite with it mentally, she's come to terms with not being able to go home, so I'm hoping that she will enjoy having some company and stimulation. If she doesn't settle in well we could take her to visit the other home and see how she feels about it. Thanks again for your comments, this is a very new to me and I've been feeling very stressed with the responsibility of all this.