Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Elderly parents

Handhold please: DF won't allow repair work

19 replies

nearlynermal · 10/02/2020 14:55

DF is in his 90s, still living in a block of flats (outside UK), is very infirm and looked after by round-the-clock carers. He is almost stone deaf but otherwise sharp. There's a leak in his balcony that's causing some quite alarming cracks in the flat below, and they have asked for repair works. The work will take a few days and will involve removing the existing ratty felt covering and replacement with quite smart neutral tiles. The building is paying for it, not DF.

DF has in the past done battle (justifiably) with some of his neighbours who were making unauthorised use of communal funds to make modifications etc. All this is now coming back to him, and he is incensed about the work and saying he's being attacked in his own home.

I have already told the neighbours they can do it (literally, chunks are going to start falling off the building if it's not done), and the builders are due to start at 8 tomorrow. DF has been ranting for 3+ hours, and I'm starting to feel quite mad myself. I feel the only thing to do is to push ahead tomorrow, but God knows what's going to happen.

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 10/02/2020 16:49

You've made the right decision but it isn't going to be easy Flowers

Herpesfreesince03 · 10/02/2020 16:51

It obviously needs doing. If the building is becoming a danger then they will eventually take steps to enforce the repairs without your fathers permission

ColumbaPalumbus · 10/02/2020 16:57

Can the carers take him out for the day or at east part of it?

Rinsefirst · 10/02/2020 17:37

I guess you keep well away for the day.
If he is very infirm and deaf then maybe a loud playing radio on in his room will make sure he hears nothing.
He will moan like stink to everyone but it doesn’t sound like he can get any crosser.

nearlynermal · 11/02/2020 04:25

Thanks everyone. Just praying the workmen don't screw up. I'll try and get him out for lunch. He was threatening to jump off the balcony which, by hour 4 of the rant, seemed like a pretty good solution

OP posts:
bettybattenburg · 11/02/2020 04:34

That doesn't sound like the actions of somebody who is sharp

nearlynermal · 11/02/2020 05:35

He's always been a drama queen, Betty, it's more a personality thing than being gaga. But the deafness is a problem, as it makes him harder to reason with.

OP posts:
bettybattenburg · 11/02/2020 05:40

I see. That's not a pleasant way to describe elderly people with dementia btw. People find it offensive.

CheddarGorgeous · 11/02/2020 05:44

OP is at her wits' end, obviously exhausted and emotional, it's probably not the best time to pick her up on her use of language.

Hope it goes as well as it can today OP.

FredaFrogspawn · 11/02/2020 05:45

Tell him if the work isn’t done, he will have to be moved into a residential home. Straight up and honest. Do you have power of attorney? I agree that although he seems sharp, he isn’t acting rationally about this (even allowing for his drama queen nature). There comes a time when you need to reverse roles and say it how it is. He is being ridiculous.

Aposterhasnoname · 11/02/2020 05:51

Have I missed something? Where does it say OPs father has dementia?

bettybattenburg · 11/02/2020 05:52

OP is at her wits' end, obviously exhausted and emotional

Yeah well she's not the only one and I couldn't care less what you think anyway

bettybattenburg · 11/02/2020 05:54

Where does it say OPs father has dementia?

It doesn't but she oh so nicely said he wasn't gaga. I find that offensive

nearlynermal · 11/02/2020 06:34

Sorry betty, my bad: that was a bit crass.

We got lucky: builders seem very nice and polite, arrived with much protective covering for the carpet, the work sounds less noisy than feared, and DF is (touch wood) a lot calmer.

OP posts:
CheddarGorgeous · 11/02/2020 06:43

Awesome OP. Fingers crossed for the rest of the day.

bettybattenburg · 11/02/2020 08:08

sorry OP I am going through shit at the moment and didn't mean to take it out on you.

nearlynermal · 11/02/2020 08:44

No worries at all, betty, sorry to hear you're having a tough time of it at the moment.

OP posts:
Rinsefirst · 11/02/2020 21:00

Did everyone get through the day?

nearlynermal · 11/02/2020 21:15

We got through the day! DF was a lot calmer, and the builders were very nice and professional. So Phase 1 went well. Fingers crossed we're over the worst of it. Thanks for the support, everyone, it was a big help.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread