Man sent by social services to give 86 year old a shower?

[CarolinaPink]

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum - have only recently found it.

My aunt (86) is currently moving from the end of the 6 weeks' 'free' care, following a shoulder replacement, to long-term care provided by Social Services. (Why Social Services rather than a better local agency is another story.)

Today they sent a man to give her personal care. During the six weeks period that didn't happen. At 86 I'm not surprised that my aunt didn't want to take her clothes off and have a shower.

Am I being unreasonable in this? I'd be grateful to know what your experiences are.

Many thanks.

Actually a lot of men prefer to receive care from male carers as they find having care from women embarrassing.

However they don't have any choice as there aren't many male carers.

Every time I've worked in a team with a male nurse/carer he's been really busy with requests from men that would prefer men only.

Also requests for female only carers are surprisingly rare - totally valid but surprisingly rare - even in elderly women who you might think would prefer it. Carers are doing a professional job.

It's not about them doing a professional job, it's about the impact on the person at the centre of it.

A high proportion of women live with varying degrees of trauma from male violence. The idea of traumatised women reaching the point of needing carers and being put in a position where they're forced to receive that from men (either in their home or a care home or hospital) makes me feel physically sick. What a horrifying way to pass the final years of your life.

It's barbaric. Not least of all when we fail traumatised survivors of male violence throughout their lives from the moment they're victimised onwards.

My DH used to provide this type of care in the community. It really infuriated him when he was sent to provide care to females where they had to strip off. He found it really inappropriate and very unfair for the service user/patient.

When my Mum was in hospital male nurses & carers would help her wash and go to the loo and she said she was fine with it (apart from one new chap who was very rough, but complaints were made and he vanished). But TBH it's a bit different in a hospital ward (where you're anything BUT alone) to being on your own with a strange man in your house - for one thing.
Let us know what the care managers say ... It seems completely reasonable to ask for all females for personal care (or at the least makes she's okayed beforehand!)

i think she had a right to demand a female carer.

Thanks, all. My aunt explained to those in charge that she didn't want to have a man for personal care, and they said that was no problem.

We've just moved on from the '6 weeks' people to an agency, though, so we'll see what happens.

Thanks again to all who gave their POV.