feeling guilty

[belay]

I'm disappointed with myself for thinking about money now that mil has gone into a nursing home. I have known her and FIL(he passed away 2 years ago) for 30 years. They only have their son and ds is their only grandchild. I gave up my job to look after ds after his SEN diagnosis. They have never helped me in any way or given ds anything. They have left nothing to me or Ds in their will. In the will it is written that I should not re marry if dh dies before me. Because the new person might just want my money/property.
I'm not sure what to make of it. Visited them every week, fetched their shopping , cleaned house for last 10 years, always took them out for meals and had them to our house every Christmas. I haven't spoken to DH about this

I'm a bit confused do you mean they have left nothing to you and your DH and DS? Or they left the money to DH? Its' difficult to understand what you mean, sorry.

I wouldn't expect them to leave anything to you, only to their son, which surely you and your child will benefit from? (If there's anything left after care home fees.)

My mum will not leave anything to my husband and his mum will not leave anything to me. We have been together over 30 years. Your MIL cannot put stipulations on what your DH does with his money. If DH or I inherit anything from our parents it will go into our joint account like everything else.

To be honest I would only expect DH to inherit from his parents, that would be normal to me.

It's quite normal to leave money to your blood relations, because people don't re-write their Wills very often, marriages do break up, and people don't usually want to leave their money to an estranged ex-spouse. So it's typical to leave to your son, or possibly leave to your grandchildren. And you might make provision for the parents of your grandchildren as long as the grandchildren are dependent.

Clearly the stipulation in the Will makes it look as if you would benefit from the money if DH dies, although they can't make that sort of requirement.

If the money has been left to him, it is to both of you so you have been left some, that is normal. Depending on the wording of the will it might have been that if he died before the inheritance came about, the money that comes to you would not go to your new husband. It depends on the wording but is quite common. In my will I was asked that if my sons and daughters (all married) should die before I did, to whom should the money go ( ie spouses or granchildren) I said spouses against the advice of the solicitor who said you should bar in mind that if they remarry and have children, the money will benefit people unrelated. This is not a personal slight to you, just the way things are done