Need to vent... but any words of wisdom welcome

[Chosennone]

My DM is in hospital again. She has various issues. Mobility. Diabetes. Neuropathy and previous heart attack. Early 70s. She is so partially blind. My DF and DB care for her which has been increasingly difficult for a year.
My DF has been in tears today as he is buckling under the strain. My DB has mental health issues and can not cope with personal care and continence issues. They are so relieved she is back in hospital and say they've had an awful few days with her. Toilet accidents, wandering in the night etc.

My DM will not accept anything is wrong!
I have referred to Social Care previously and they agreed to one visit a day. DM refused due to earliness of visit!
I have passed on details of at least 5 cleaning companies as house is squalid! DM thinks its fine so refuses to pay.

Frustration, anger and sadness have reached a peak today. DF and DB are looking to me to sort it all out.
Can they tell the hospital they can't cope when she's ready to come home? Do i tell her they are on the edge of a nervous breakdown ... force the issue?

Does she actually need a care home? Who actually ever mentions that?

Sorry you are having a bad time but you are in a mess here as DM can make decisions. You cannot force her to accept carers, cleaners or a nursing home. The only time you could do that would be if you had Power of attorney for Health matters and she had lost her ability to make decisions. If you havenet got this, get it organised because it is harder to get when the person has lalready lost their faculties

Yes i thought this. My DF does need to toughen up i think. He is enanling her by saying he can cope when he can't. They live with her and I don't.
I am going to be a lot stricter with her myself and say they're on the verge of a breakdown and does she want that. I don't want to be mean but her head is firmly stuck in the sand and it has always been her way of 'coping'.

As she’s deemed to have capacity, I would tell her bluntly, do you want them to suffer because of you?

Be prepared though, the answer might be yes. Your DB lives with them?

DB lives very close and does most of rhe caring with DF. Ive had an awkward conversation today but made feelings clear. Will see how it goes in the next 2 weeks.

OP, good for you, must’ve been so difficult

Thank you 😫🤞