How long could Dad with dementia last?

[comberbird]

Hello I know this a random post. Today my Dad finally moved into full time nursing care after 7 weeks in hospital. He has advanced dementia - needs to be fed washed incontinent etc - can speak Or really communicate etc. He also been off his feet while in hospital. So walked once in that time and now very frail although capable of walking if encouraged. I know this is an odd thing to ask but how long could he survive like this? The past 12 mths have been terrible for mum who cared for him at home as his health declined but she is already much chirpier since he was in hospital as she’s had some rest and time to herself. I would love my Dad to be around forever if I thought he wasn’t living his worse nightmare but I’m curious to know how others have fared in a similar situation. I suppose I am trying to prepare myself for the end :(

My dad developed dementia at 95. He had Previously been very active and had a razor sharp mind. The decline was very rapid. He died just before his 97th birthday.

My mum has Alzheimer's dementia and was diagnosed 3 years ago, aged 79. She was living independently up until last August, when she had a fall - at Christmas, after more falls and wandering incidents (one where she was found laying on the ground in the car park in the pouring rain) I had to move her into full time residential care.

As recently as August 2019 she was still cycling to the shops, even though she'd often forget her bike on the way back. Now she can barely stand up unaided or shuffle, and is unable to learn to use a walker. She is not incontinent but often can't make it in time. She can swallow but her appetite is fading. We still "chat" but it's mostly nonsensical, I just step into her world and go along with her theme. Very very occasionally, there is a window of "old" mum. She recognises me and DH as her people but I don't think she knows exactly who we are.

I can't bear to think of her existing like this for another 10 years. She is generally calm but the other day we spoke on the phone and she cried and said she'd had enough. I can't bear it.

My dad was in a similar state when he went into a care home. Our family gp discussed with us whether we wanted him to be treated if he became poorly or to let nature take its course. We opted for the latter and he died of pneumonia 2 months later. He was 92 and it was a kindness to let him go. I would want the same for myself.

It runs in our family / his mother had it and both his sister and brother have died from the disease already.

That's similar to my Dad. His mother had it and now he and his sister have it as well. The other two living siblings aren't showing any symptoms of it at this stage.

There is research out there indicating that the disease is inherited through the maternal line, so if your father has it you should have no greater risk than the general population. Obviously for selfish reasons I hope that's true, but who knows.

Your father sounds very similar to my dad when he moved into a nursing home. He had vascular dementia which he probably had for about a year before I realised this as his symptoms were so different to my mum's. My father lived another 6 months in the home, so probably around 2 years overall with the dementia. It was so sad because at the end he couldn't move , couldn't communicate and was in his own little world. Very sad, but that doesn't mean it will be like that for your dad as it is different for everyone and my father was 10 years older.

Mum has Alzeimers which she's had for maybe 6 years now, very gradual decline. Dad was mum's carer in a way doing all the household stuff when she started to forget what needed doing, but he went downhill so quickly when he became ill himself.

I don’t have any answers for you, but I just wanted to say I’m sorry this is happening to you and your family and please do take time to take care of yourself, too

Care home residents can last a long time with good care. Some dementia forms result in death quicker than others.
I would say, as a family, you need to seriously think about what forms of inventions you want for your father. Obviously not all requests will be carried out if medically advised against. But do you want every possible illness treated, or how much treatment are you prepared for him to receive. Or would you rather he was just kept comfortable and passed sooner rather than later. Such decisions will impact on quality and quantity of life left to live.
It’s a hard time for you all.

I'm sorry OP, it's horrible when you're looking ahead to a bleak future. And difficult when you have no idea how long it will take to progress. I understand wanting some sort of guidance, I too looked up timelines etc. to try and get some answers/reassurance.

My father was diagnosed with fronto-temporal dementia about 2 years ago, he's 80 this year. The doctor said it had probably been coming on for 5 to 10 years. He's still in the early - mid stages, can't communicate well, forgets things, but he's still at home with my mum. She has to help him shower and make sure he eats, and he can't be left on his own for too long.

I worry about her taking care of him, I worry about when/ how he will decline, I worry about what kind of quality of life he will have.

I suppose as long as he's not in pain and not distressed it should be ok, but it's soul destroying watching someone you love deteriorate like this. And I dread what is to come. Mostly I just miss the person he used to be .

You can’t tell OP. My aunt was diagnosed aged 82.She lived to 98.

My grandma had dementia and she had to move into a care home specialising in dementia care and she lived 20 years after being diagnosed.

My DM had vascular dementia. She lived at home with DDad for about 4 years. By that time she could not really move at all and had lost her speech and went into full time care for about another 4 years.

She was extremely well cared for and was actually very happy and content in herself towards the end. In fact I was a bit concerned that she would never die and would outlive my DDad, but she died peacefully in her sleep 3 years ago.

My FIL lasted 15 years - died last year aged 98.