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Elderly parents

FIL broke leg, now dying due to not eating

54 replies

Ozzie9523 · 08/01/2020 15:59

Hi there, my lovely 85 year old FIL fell and broke his leg in early December. This was the latest in many breaks/falls over the past 5 years - pelvis, hip, foot and now this. He was in hospital for nearly 4 weeks and over Xmas as they didn't have the carers available to provide help at home (my MIL is 86 and wouldn't be able to lift him etc). So he finally came home about a week ago and his deterioration is shocking. Carers are coming 4 times a day, he can barely move, is hardly drinking and hardly eating. He had a urine infection which set him back a bit but antibiotics have now kicked in. He is wasting away in front of us and I seem to be the only one who is shocked by this. He has special shakes to drink but is struggling to swallow them. My DH says he knows his dad has had enough, he's been in pain for years with a bad back/leg and this is the final straw for his poor body. My MIL also seems to be in denial, she said to me the other day that "people can live for ages without eating as long as they are drinking". Or maybe she has accepted it. I told my DH the other morning that he would probably be dead within two weeks if he doesn't start eating. He is able to talk just about and I find it heartbreaking. My FIL's mum apparently starved herself to death. FIL is now struggling to swallow and the carer mentioned this is a sign the body is shutting down. I keep thinking he should be put on a drip or taken back into hospital but apparently he gets upset if that is mentioned (they thought he had sepsis the other day and was distraught at the thought of going back in but thankfully it wasn't). I'm not sure what I'm asking but this is my first experience of losing a parent/in-law and I'm shocked that a broken leg can do this to someone x

OP posts:
Patienceisvirtuous · 29/01/2020 22:51

Thinking of you op, you sound like a lovely caring dil x

CarolinaPink · 03/02/2020 16:50

I'm very sorry to hear this, and I understand your shock. I've just been through this with only surviving elderly relly, who broke shoulder and had to have it replaced.

She developed PO delirium and would hardly eat or drink. Spent two months in hospitals and care home - no exercise - and virtually lost use of legs. Then they started questioning her capacity.

By dint of huge persistence and many conflicts with medical and LA staff, sister and I got her home and she's almost recovered. Don't think she'll ever be quite the same though.

We were amazed by how fast she went down. Without family I doubt she'd have survived and if she had she would certainly not have got home.

We persisted because we felt aunt had not come to end of natural life, and she wanted to recover. Had she been like my dad, though (died 2 years ago), I'd have felt it would be kinder for her to go. Beware of drips, OP, as they can keep people who would prefer to go hanging on in a terrible limbo.

I wish for the best outcome for you, whatever that may be Thanks

CarolinaPink · 03/02/2020 16:53

OP I'm very sorry - have just read your update. Thinking of you Thanks

ChilliMayo · 03/02/2020 16:59

I'm sad for your loss.
Take comfort in two things - that you honoured his wishes and did it his way, even though every nerve in your body was screeching no. And you were a loved and trusted dil, otherwise he wouldn't have had you there at the end.
Take care of yourself, dh, mil and the family.

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