Mixed sex care home concerns

[ScapaFlo]

My mother has quite advanced dementia and has recently been moved into a high-dependency care home as her condition worsens. Higher staff-to-patient ratio than her previous care home and small separate units making up the care home.

Her unit is mainly male residents and therefore the carers also are almost all men. My mother was abused by my father for many years (not physically) and she suffered three assaults from a man in her previous care home. She doesn't like men.

There are three men who wander into her room all day long, one of whom walks in and lies on her bed. I've raised concerns about this with the staff and have been dismissed with some guff about risk assessments being carried out. I pointed out that the most basic risk assessment is that men shouldn't have free access to female bedrooms but was shut down.

I don't know if the men target that particular room or my mother herself and I can't get the home to answer this, they say mum herself goes into other people's bedrooms and sometimes they can't find her.

I'm really uncomfortable that men can just walk in to her room whenever they want. I wasn't able to stop one of the men coming in, he's over 6 feet tall and he just shoved past me. The staff do come and retrieve them if I go and get them. My sister persuaded mum to have a shower and one of the men walked in when she was just out of the bathroom and naked.

Is this ok? I really don't think it is, but perhaps it's normal in dementia units. Mum is funded by the NHS and I'm scared to complain too loudly in case they decide they're not going to continue looking after her, and i will be left to find somewhere suitable.

Yesterday apparently she got very angry at a man in her room when she was in bed and she threw something at him, causing a bruise. When they called to tell me, I reminded them that I had been saying since the word go that she doesn't like men and doesn't like men pushing into her room. There are sensors on the door which tell the staff if the door has been opened, but they have to stop what they're doing and go and get the men out, it doesn't stop the men going in.

Is there anything I can do, or do I have to accept it hat this is now mum's normality because of how difficult it is to look after people with dementia? Surely mum still has the right to privacy and dignity even if these poor men don't constitute a threat to her safety?

At my wits end with this, I live three hours' drive away so can't be there all the time or even every week. Don't have legal permission to move her due to a cock up with power of attorney (a whole new can of worms).

Any advice?

That sounds awful for all the residents. I would call the safeguarding team at the social services and the cqc. The home have a duty of care to all the residents and wandering in and out of rooms, not knowing where residents are and scaring people is not acceptable.

I think the answer lies with the care home manager and whether or not the staff have actually been instructed to observe your mum's privacy and dignity. it doesn't sound like they have put any extra effort into resolving the issue. It's all too easy for them to say that she does it to other people. Yes, people do wander but there are ways and means of giving people additional privacy.

Your mum should have a named staff member who looks out for your mum during daytime and a separate named person for night time. Have you spoken to these staff members? They should be able to tell you what they are doing on a day-to-day basis but not everybody is aware. However, I'd ask to see the care home manager next time you are there or speak to them on the phone.

From experience I'd want my mum to be put in a room near where the staff are situated. (My mum was prone to wandering and was a fall risk so got moved close when a room became available.)

If nothing happens to change matters quickly, I'd also phone the social work team who helped admit her and tell them you feel her dignity and safety are not being respected and what do they suggest?

When mil moved into a care home the man in the next room kept coming in... wearing just a pair of pants. The home took immediate action and by the next day he was gone and in his place was a nice gentleman reading the Telegraph.

It doesn't matter whether your mother dislikes men or loves them - NO ONE should have to tolerate random men (or any resident) invading their personal space, particularly when they are as vulnerable as your mother.

I know it seems awkward speaking to the care home and you always feel that they will "punish" your relative, but this is not acceptable and shows dereliction of duty.

Thanks for responses. When I've mentioned it to the care home they just shrug it off.

Age UK have recommended I speak to the CCG as they feel strongly it's absolutely unacceptable to breach privacy and dignity in this way. Just because all the residents are old and demented doesn't give away their most basic rights.

I shall make an appointment with the care home manager first and see if there is a space in a women-only unit, then go to the CCG if I get no joy. If I can actually get a response - I sent them an email in November with a read receipt which to date hasn't been read 🙄

An update if anyone is interested.

My mother and one of the men formed a 'friendship' which led to them spending much of their time together. The care home staff said they were 'so sweet together' which made me extremely uncomfortable as that sort of language seems to point to relationship rather than friendship.

The man likes to hug women as I have found every time I visit, and my mum does like to be hugged, so apparently it was deemed to be mutually beneficial for them to spend all their time together.

But he became very possessive of her and wouldn't let the carers anywhere near her, and so she has just been moved to another unit to separate them. I have no idea why she had to move and not him.

So she has had to endure yet another move which is the last thing people with dementia need. This will be her fourth move in a year. Her condition worsens and I fear it will hasten her end. She is always angry and unhappy and aggressive. I just wanted her to live her final years in peace and high quality care and it seems this is impossible.

I'm sorry for the whinge, I find it heartbreaking and I seem powerless to do anything positive for her.

Whinge away - you are justifiably angry.
I’d be really cross with the staff at the care home. They sound as if they have done the bear minimum and have not really protected your mum.
If the new unit has different staff members on balance I’d feel it preferable to where she’s been. Presumably the furniture, fittings soft furnishings and the layout in this unit are similar? If they are then your mum can adapt I’m sure.
Can you ask to see her carehome gp about her being angry, unhappy and aggressive? This needs to be explored. Particularly if it is recent behaviour and can be related to this care home specifically.
I’d also have the Care Commissioners details ready on speed dial in case things don’t improve. I’ve heard of major complaints for lesser issues.

You are doing your best. Dementia is horrid an no two versions are the same.
Hopefully a social worker or more experienced person will give you better advice

Thank you Rinsefirst, your comments are much appreciated.

I've asked for an appointment with the home management this week and will be calling CQC for advice.