Advice please. I think tonight is the night.

[help11111]

My great uncle 91. Has no children. My mum is his only living relative and then there is myself my sisters and my brother.

He got taken to A and E Sunday. Still able to eat walk and talk. Since Monday he has not moved spoken eaten or blinked.

They ruled out a stroke. They said he has kidney disease and now suspect sepsis or an infection.

They have stopped all medication and fluids.

They have said he will only be here a matter of hours.

How can we find out what happened? Because of his age are we supposed to just accept it and not know??

Hi OP I’m so sorry for the situation you and your family find yourself in. Is your great uncle peaceful and pain free?

They have him morphine once yesterday just incase but nothing since.

The nurse asked why I'm worried he doesn't look relaxed as she said he did.

His mouth and eyes have been open since Monday and he sounds like he is struggling to breathe but that is only my view.

They gave him something to "settle" him but after an hour it made no difference.

Because of his age the hospital probably won't carry out a post mortem (you could check this). If they don't and you really want to know you could get a private one.

He's still with us though so I don't understand why they can't find out now?

It would be too invasive for him to be poked and prodded with needles and scans etc

Sounds to me like they're focusing on end of life care so wont feel the need to examine cause.

Agree with previous poster to ask for post mortem.

Why have they stopped medication and fluids, that is like the Liverpool Care Pathway which I thought was phased out?

Being denied water is bloody cruel, this happened to my mum. I didn't know at the time.

I'm unsure.

We have lost lots of family including our father both grandparents aunts uncles etc.

Apart from one grandmother where there was an enquiry we have more or less known the cause each time.

They think he's "gone" yet they say they think he can still here. I have autism and I don't know how to handle it.

Sometimes people cannot swallow so they are unable to eat or drink. If you force someone to eat or drink who doesn’t have a swallow reflex you risk aspiration pneumonia. If someone is clearly dying they often don’t want to eat. If you give fluids it has to be intravenously which involves pain and needles , and all it does is prolong dying . I wouldn’t want that done to me.
Sometimes in very elderly people cause of death is difficult. They have mentioned sepsis and renal failure which will be evident from the blood tests. They will have to put a cause of death on the death certificate.
Olde people die and sometimes its kinder to let that happen rather than do lots of investigations which may be uncomfortable for the person and won’t change the outcome . Also why would you want a post mortem on a man of 91 - would he want that ?
I don’t mean that to sound critical or unsympathetic but sometimes some realism about old age and how death can be is required

I'm so sorry- it is hard for those of us left behind to cope when this time comes.
It sounds like he is gradually slipping away. Hold his hand and talk to him, my FiL's nurses said hearing is the last thing to go.
They will give him drugs to ease any pain, so if you think they need topping up or you need anything explaining.
Can I reassure you that the sound of their breathing does change- it's pretty normal near the end.

I'm very sorry about your uncle. It is sad when someone is in his position regardless of how old they are. I'm not surprised you are finding it difficult to deal with.
I know that hospitals and medical staff can and do make mistakes but generally they are very experienced and caring. Chances are that they are doing what is best for your Great Uncle. They look after people who are at the end of their life's day in and day out. If you can you should try and trust them. I don't think you would be wrong to question how they are dealing with your Great Uncle though. There is no harm in checking that everything is being done with your Uncles best interests at heart.

💐💐